THE STORY OF THE LADY OF CAIRO AND HER FOUR GALLANTS.
A virtuous lady of Cairo, who seldom left her house but upon
urgent business, one day returning from the bath, passed by the
tribunal of the cauzee just as it was breaking up, when the
magistrate perceived her, and struck with her dignity and
elegance of gait, from which he judged of her beauty, called her
to him, and in a soft whisper expressed his desire of a private
interview. The lady being resolved to punish him for his unworthy
conduct, seemingly consented, and desired him to repair to her
house that evening, which he gladly promised. She then pursued
her route homewards, but was on the way accosted by three other
men, who made her similar proposals, all which she accepted, and
fixed that evening for receiving their visits. The first of these
gallants was the customs tax-collector of Cairo, the second the
chief of the butchers, and the third a rich merchant.
When the lady returned to her house she informed her husband of
what had happened, and begged him to permit her to execute a
stratagem that she had formed to punish their insolence, which
would not only afford himself and her much laughable amusement,
but solid advantage, as doubtless the lovers would each bring
with him a handsome present. The husband, who knew he could trust
the virtue of his wife, readily consented, and the lady having
prepared a handsome entertainment, adorned herself in her richest
apparel, and seated herself to receive her guests. Evening had
just shut in, when the venerable cauzee having finished his
sunset devotions, impatiently repaired first to his mistress and
knocked at the door, which the lady opened and led him upstairs,
where he presented her with a rosary of valuable pearl; after
which she made him undress, and in place of his robes put on a
loose vest of yellow muslin, and a parti-coloured cap, her
husband all the while looking at them through the door of a
closet, and ready to burst his sides with laughter as he beheld
the tender grimaces of the enamoured magistrate. The happiness of
the venerable gallant was however soon changed to frightful
alarm, for he had scarcely sat down and begun to partake of some
refreshment, when a loud rap was heard at the door; upon which
the lady starting up in well-affected terror, cried out,
"Mahummud protect us! for this is my husband's knock, and if he
finds you here, he will put us both to death." The cauzee's heart
sank within him, and he became more dead than alive; but the lady
somewhat revived him by thrusting him into her bed-chamber,
desiring him to remain still, as possibly a way might be found
for his escape. He gladly retired, secretly vowing that if spared
from his present threatening distress, Satan should no more tempt
him to make love or break the sacred law.
The lady having disposed of the cauzee, hastened to the door,
where she found the expecting tax-collector, who brought with
him, as a present, a set of jewels. She shewed him upstairs, took
off his rich clothes, and made him put on a crimson vest, and a
green cap with black spots. He had scarcely sat down when the
door again resounded, and she played over the same game as she
had done with the cauzee, who on his also entering the bed-
chamber was somewhat pleased at seeing a brother magistrate in
the same ridiculous plight with himself. The venerable lovers
condoled by signs with each other, but dared not speak for fear
of discovery. The chief of the butchers, on his arrival, was next
ushered up stairs, and his present received, then made to undress
and put on a blue vest with a scarlet cap, ornamented with sea
shells and bits of tinsel; but he had scarce time to finish, when
a fourth loud rap was heard at the door, the scene of alarm was
renewed, and the frightened gallant hurried into the room to keep
company with his rivals. Now appeared the respectable merchant,
who presented the cunning lady with several rich veils, pieces of
silk, and embroidered muslins, after which he was asked to
undress and enrobe himself in a sky coloured vest and a cap
striped with red and white; which he had hardly put on when a
thundering knock at the gate put an end to his transports, and
the wife pretending great alarm, as it was her husband's rap,
forced him into the bed-chamber, where, to his surprise he
discovered three of his intimate acquaintance.
The husband, who had left his hiding place and knocked at the
door, now entered, and after saluting his wife, sat down, when
having partaken of the refreshments provided for the gallants,
the happy couple entered into conversation loud enough to be
overheard by the wretched inamorati, who were quaking for fear of
discovery. "Light of my eyes," said the husband, "didst thou meet
with any thing amusing to-day in thy visit to the bath? and if
so, divert me with an account of it." "I did, indeed," said the
lady, "for I met with four antic creatures, whom" (at hearing
this the unfortunate lovers gave themselves over for lost) "I had
a great inclination to bring home with me" (here they recovered a
little from their alarm) "to divert us, but fearful of your
displeasure I did not; however, if agreeable, we can send for
them to-morrow." The frighted gallants now indulged some hope of
escape through the kindness of their cunning mistress, and began
to breathe a little freer, but very short was the suspension of
their fears. "I am sorry thou didst not bring them," said the
husband, "because business will to-morrow call me from home, and
I shall be absent for some days." Upon this, the lady laughing,
said, "Well, then, you must know that in fact I have brought
them, and was diverting myself with them when you came in, but
fearful you might suspect something wrong I hurried them into our
bed-chamber, in order to conceal them till I had tried your
temper, hoping, should you not be in good humour, to find some
means of letting them out undiscovered." It is impossible to
describe the alarm into which the wretched gallants were now
plunged, especially when the husband commanded his wife to bring
them out one by one, saying, "Let each entertain us with a dance
and then recite a story, but if they do not please me, I will
strike off their heads." "Heaven protect us," said the cauzee,
"how can men of our gravity dance? but there is no resisting the
decrees of fate, nor do I see any chance of escape from this
artful baggage and her savage husband but by performing as well
as we can." His companions were of the same opinion, and mustered
what courage they could to act as they should be ordered.
The wife now entered the chamber, and putting a tambourine into
the cauzee's hands, led him out and began to play a merry tune
upon her lute, to which the affrighted magistrate danced with a
thousand antics and grimaces like an old baboon, beating time
with the tambourine, to the great delight of the husband, who
every now and then jeeringly cried out, "Really wife, if I did
not know this fellow was a buffoon, I should take him for our
cauzee; but God forgive me, I know our worthy magistrate is
either at his devotions, or employed in investigating cases for
to-morrow's decision." Upon this the cauzee danced with redoubled
vigour, and more ridiculous gestures, in hopes of evading
discovery. At length he was overpowered by such unusual exercise;
but the husband had no mercy upon his sufferings, and made him
continue capering by threatening the bastinado, till the tired
judge was exhausted, and fainted upon the floor in a bath of
perspiration, when they held him up, and pouring a goblet of wine
down his throat it somewhat revived him. He was now suffered to
breathe a little, and something given him to eat, which, with a
second cup of liquor, recovered his strength. The husband now
demanded his story; and the cauzee, assuming the gesture of a
coffee-house droll, began as follows.
The Cauzee's Story.
A young tailor, whose shop was opposite the house of an officer,
was so attracted from his work by the appearance of a beautiful
young lady, his wife, in her balcony, that he became desperately
in love, and would sit whole days waiting her coming, and when
she showed herself make signs of his passion. For some time his
ridiculous action diverted her, but at length she grew tired of
the farce she had kept up by answering his signals, and of the
interruption it gave to her taking the fresh air, so that she
resolved to punish him for his presumption, and oblige him to
quit his stall. Having laid her plan, one day when her husband
was gone out for a few hours she dispatched a female slave to
invite the tailor to drink coffee. To express the rapture of the
happy snip is impossible. He fell at the feet of the slave, which
he kissed as the welcome messengers of good tidings, gave her a
piece of gold, and uttered some nonsensical verses that he had
composed in praise of his beloved; then dressing himself in his
best habit, he folded his turban in the most tasty manner, and
curled his mustachios to the greatest advantage, after which he
hastened exultingly to the lady's house, and was admitted to her
presence. She sat upon a rich musnud, and gracefully lifting up
her veil welcomed the tailor, who was so overcome that he had
nearly fainted away with excess of rapture. She desired him to be
seated, but such was his bashfulness that he would not approach
farther than the corner of the carpet. Coffee was brought in, and
a cup presented him; but not being used to such magnificence and
form, and his eyes, also, being staringly fixed on the beauties
of the lady, instead of carrying the cup to his mouth, he hit his
nose and overthrew the liquid upon his vest. The lady smiled, and
ordered him another cup; but while he was endeavouring to drink
it with a little more composure, a loud knock was heard at the
door, and she starting up, cried out with great agitation, "Good
heavens! this is my husband's knock; if he finds us together he
will sacrifice us to his fury!" The poor tailor, in terror, fell
flat upon the carpet, when the lady and her slave threw some cold
water upon his face, and when a little recovered hurried him away
to a chamber, into which they forced him, and desired him to
remain quiet, as the only means of saving his life. Here he
remained quivering and trembling, more alive than dead, but
perfectly cured of his love, and vowing never again to look up at
a balcony.
When the tailor was disposed of, the lady again sat down upon her
stool, and ordered her slave to open the gate. Upon her husband's
entering the room he was surprised at beholding things set out
for an entertainment, and inquired who had been with her; when
she replied tartly, "A lover." "And where is he now?" angrily
replied the officer. "In yonder chamber, and if you please you
may sacrifice him to your fury, and myself afterwards." The
officer demanded the key, which she gave him; but while this was
passing, the agony of the unfortunate tailor was worse than
death; he fully expecting every moment to have his head struck
off: in short, he was in a most pitiable condition. The officer
went to the door, and had put the key into the lock, when his
wife burst suddenly into a fit of laughter: upon which he
exclaimed angrily, "Who do you laugh at?" "Why, at yourself, to
be sure, my wise lord," replied the lady; "for who but yourself
could suppose a woman serious when she told him where to find out
a concealed lover? I wanted to discover how far jealousy would
carry you, and invented this trick for the purpose," The officer,
upon this, was struck with admiration of his wife's pleasantry
and his own credulity, which so tickled his fancy that he laughed
immoderately, begged pardon for his foolish conduct, and they
spent the evening cheerfully together; after which, the husband
going to the bath, his wife charitably released the almost dead
tailor, and reproving him for his impertinence, declared if he
ever again looked up at her balcony she would contrive his death.
The tailor, perfectly cured of love for his superior in life,
made the most abject submission, thanked her for his deliverance,
hurried home, prayed heartily for his escape, and the very next
day took care to move from so dangerous a neighbourhood.
The husband and wife were highly diverted with the cauze's story,
and after another dance permitted him to depart, and get home as
well as he could in his ridiculous habit. How he got there, and
what excuse he was able to make for so unmagisterial an
appearance, we are not informed; but strange whispers went about
the city, and the cauzee's dance became the favourite one or the
strolling drolls, whom he had often the mortification of seeing
taking him off as he passed to and from the tribunal, and not
unfrequently in causes of adultery the evidences and culprits
would laugh in his face. He, however, never again suffered Satan
to tempt him, and was scarcely able to look at a strange woman,
so great was his fear of being led astray.
When the cauzee was gone, the lady, repairing to the apartment,
brought out the grave tax-collector, whom her husband addressed
by name, saying, "Venerable sir, how long have you turned droll?
can you favour me with a dance?" The tax-collector made no reply,
but began capering, nor was he permitted to stop till quite
tired. He was then allowed to sit, some refreshment was given
him, and when revived he was desired to tell a story: knowing
resistance vain, he complied. After having finished he was
dismissed, and the other gallants were brought in and treated in
a like manner.