"Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus;
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits;--
I rather would entreat thy company
To see the wonders of the world abroad."
_Two Gentlemen of--Clawbonny._
During the year that succeeded after I was prepared for Yale,
Mr. Hardinge had pursued a very judicious course with my
education. Instead of pushing me into books that were to be read in
the regular course of that institution, with the idea of lightening my
future labours, which would only have been providing excuses for
future idleness, we went back to the elementary works, until even he
was satisfied that nothing more remained to be done in that
direction. I had my two grammars literally by heart, notes and all.
Then we revised as thoroughly as possible, reading everything anew,
and leaving no passage unexplained. I learned to scan, too, a fact
that was sufficient to make a reputation for a scholar, in America,
half a century since. [*] After this, we turned our attention to
mathematics, a science Mr. Hardinge rightly enough thought there was
no danger of my acquiring too thoroughly. We mastered arithmetic, of
which I had a good deal of previous knowledge, in a few weeks, and
then I went through trigonometry, with some of the more useful
problems in geometry. This was the point at which I had arrived when
my mother's death occurred.
[Footnote *: The writer's master taught him to scan Virgil in
1801. This gentleman was a graduate of Oxford. In 1803, the class to
which the writer then belonged in Yale, was the first that ever
attempted to scan in that institution. The quantities were in sad
discredit in this country, years after this, though Columbia and
Harvard were a little in advance of Yale. All that was ever done in
the last college, during the writer's time, was to scan the ordinary
hexameter of Homer and Virgil.]
As for myself, I frankly admit a strong disinclination to be
learned. The law I might be forced to study, but practising it was a
thing my mind had long been made up never to do. There was a small
vein of obstinacy in my disposition that would have been very likely
to carry me through in such a determination, even had my mother lived,
though deference to her wishes would certainly have carried me as far
as the license. Even now she was no more, I was anxious to ascertain
whether she had left any directions or requests on the subject, either
of which would have been laws to me. I talked with Rupert on this
matter, and was a little shocked with the levity with which he treated
it. "What difference can it make to your parents, _now_," he
said, with an emphasis that grated on my nerves, "whether you become a
lawyer, or a merchant, or a doctor, or stay here on your farm, and be
a farmer, like your father?"
"My father had been a sailor," I answered, quick as lightning.
"True; and a noble, manly, gentleman-like calling it is! I never see
a sailor that I do not envy him his advantages. Why, Miles, neither
of us has ever been in town even, while your mother's boatmen, or your
own, as they are now, go there regularly once a-week. I would give the
world to be a sailor."
"You, Rupert! Why, you know that your father in tends, or, rather,
wishes that you should become a clergyman."
"A pretty appearance a young man of my figure would make in the
pulpit, Miles, or wearing a surplice. No, no; there have been two
Hardinges in the church in this century, and I have a fancy also to
the sea. I suppose you know that my great-grandfather was a captain in
the navy, and _he_ brought _his_ son up a parson; now, turn
about is fair play, and the parson ought to give a son back to a
man-of-war. I've been reading the lives of naval men, and it's
surprising how many clergymen's sons, in England, go into the navy,
and how many sailors' sons get to be priests."
"But there is no navy in this country now--not even a single
ship-of-war, I believe."
"That is the worst of it. Congress _did_ pass a law, two or three
years since, to build some frigates, but they have never been
launched. Now Washington has gone out of office, I suppose we shall
never have anything good in the country."
I revered the name of Washington, in common with the whole country,
but I did not see the _sequitur_. Rupert, however, cared little
for logical inferences, usually asserting such things as he wished,
and wishing such as he asserted. After a short pause, he continued the
discourse.
"You are now substantially your own master," he said, "and can do as
you please. Should you go to sea and not like it, you have only to
come back to this place, where you will be just as much the master as
if you had remained here superintending cattle, cutting hay, and
fattening pork, the whole time."
"I am not my own master, Rupert, any more than you are yourself. I am
your father's ward, and must so remain for more than five years to
come. I am just as much under his control as you, yourself."
Rupert laughed at this, and tried to persuade me it would be a good
thing to relieve his worthy fether of all responsibility in the
affair, if I had seriously determined never to go to Yale, or to be a
lawyer, by going off to sea clandestinely, and returning when I was
ready. If I ever was to make a sailor, no time was to be lost; for all
with whom he had conversed assured him the period of life when such
things were best learned, was between sixteen and twenty. This I
thought probable enough, and I parted from my friend with a promise of
conversing further with him on the subject at an early opportunity.
I am almost ashamed to confess that Rupert's artful sophism nearly
blinded my eyes to the true distinction between right and wrong. If
Mr. Hardinge really felt himself bound by my father's wishes to
educate me for the bar, and my own repugnance to the profession was
unconquerable, why should I not relieve him from the responsibility at
once by assuming the right to judge for myself, and act accordingly?
So far as Mr. Hardinge was concerned, I had little difficulty in
coming to a conclusion, though the profound deference I still felt for
my father's wishes, and more especially for those of my sainted
mother, had a hold on my heart, and an influence on my conduct, that
was not so easily disposed of. I determined to have a frank
conversation with Mr. Hardinge, therefore, in order to ascertain how
far either of my parents had expressed anything that might be
considered obligatory on me. My plan went as far as to reveal my own
desire to be a sailor, and to see the world, but not to let it be
known that I might go off without his knowledge, as this would not be
so absolutely relieving the excellent divine "from all responsibility
in the premises," as was contemplated in the scheme of his own son.
An opportunity soon occurred, when I broached the subject by asking
Mr. Hardinge whether my father, in his will, had ordered that I should
be sent to Yale, and there be educated for the bar. He had done
nothing of the sort. Had he left any particular request, writing, or
message on the subject, at all? Not that Mr. Hardinge knew. It is
true, the last had heard his friend, once or twice, make some general
remark which would lead one to suppose that Captain Wallingford had
some vague expectations I might go to the bar, but nothing further. My
mind felt vastly relieved by these admissions, for I knew my mother's
tenderness too well to anticipate that she would dream of absolutely
dictating in a matter that was so clearly connected with my own
happiness and tastes. When questioned on this last point, Mr. Hardinge
did not hesitate to say that my mother had conversed with him several
times concerning her views, as related to my career in life. She
wished me to go to Yale, and then to read law, even though I did not
practise. As soon as this, much was said, the conscientious servant
of God paused, to note the effect on me. Reading disappointment in my
countenance, I presume, he immediately added, "But your mother, Miles,
laid no restraint on you; for she knew it was _you_ who was to
follow the career, and not herself. 'I should as soon think of
commanding whom he was to marry, as to think of forcing, a profession
on him,' she added. 'He is the one who is to decide this, and he only.
We may try to guide and influence him, but not go beyond this. I leave
you, dear sir, to do all you think best in this matter, certain that
your own wisdom will be aided by the providence of a kind Master.'"
I now plainly told Mr. Hardinge my desire to see the world, and to be
a sailor. The divine was astounded at this declaration, and I saw that
he was grieved. I believe some religious objections were connected
with his reluctance to consent to my following the sea, as a
calling. At any rate, it was easy to discover that these objections
were lasting and profound. In that day, few Americans travelled, by
way of an accomplishment, at all; and those few belonged to a class in
society so much superior to mine, as to render it absurd to think of
sending, me abroad with similar views. Nor would my fortune justify
such an expenditure. I was well enough off to be a comfortable and
free housekeeper, and as independent as a king on my own farm; living
in abundance, nay, in superfluity, so far as all the ordinary wants
were concerned; but men hesitated a little about setting up for
gentlemen at large, in the year 1797. The country was fast getting
rich, it is true, under the advantages of its neutral position; but it
had not yet been long enough emancipated from its embarrassments to
think of playing the nabob on eight hundred pounds currency
a-year. The interview terminated with a strong exhortation from my
guardian not to think of abandoning my books for any project as
visionary and useless as the hope of seeing the world in the character
of a common sailor.
I related all this to Rupert, who, I now perceived for the first time,
did not hesitate to laugh at some of his father's notions, as
puritanical and exaggerated. He maintained that every one was the best
judge of what he liked, and that the sea had produced quite as fair a
proportion of saints as the land. He was not certain, considering the
great difference there was in numbers, that more good men might not be
traced in connection with the ocean, than in connection with any other
pursuit.
"Take the lawyers now, for instance, Miles," he said, "and what can
you make out of them, in the way of religion, I should like to know?
They hire their consciences out at so much _per diem_, and talk
and reason just as zealously for the wrong, as they do for the right."
"By George, that is true enough, Rupert. There is old David Dockett, I
remember to have heard Mr. Hardinge say always did double duty for his
fee, usually acting as witness, as well as advocate. They tell me he
will talk by the hour of facts that he and his clients get up between
them, and look the whole time as if he believed all he said to be
true."
Rupert laughed at this sally, and pushed the advantage it gave him by
giving several other examples to prove how much his father was
mistaken by supposing that a man was to save his soul from perdition
simply by getting admitted to the bar. After discussing the matter a
little longer, to my astonishment Rupert came out with a plain
proposal that he and I should elope, go to New York, and ship as
foremastlads in some Indiaman, of which there were then many sailing,
at the proper season, from that port. I did not dislike the idea, so
far as I was myself concerned; but the thought of accompanying Rupert
in such an adventure, startled me. I knew I was sufficiently secure of
the future to be able to risk a little at the present moment; but such
was not the case with my friend. If I made a false step at so early an
age, I had only to return to Clawbonny, where I was certain to find
competence and a home; but, with Rupert, it was very different. Of the
moral hazards I ran, I then knew nothing, and of course they gave me
no concern. Like all inexperienced persons, I supposed myself too
strong in virtue to be in any danger of contamination; and this
portion of the adventure was regarded with the self-complacency with
which the untried are apt to regard their own powers of endurance. I
thought myself morally invulnerable.
But Rupert might find it difficult to retrace any serious error made
at his time of life. This consideration would have put an end to the
scheme, so far as my companion was concerned, had not the thought
suggested itself that I should always have it in my own power to aid
my friend. Letting something of this sort escape me, Rupert was not
slow in enlarging on it, though this was done with great tact and
discretion. He proved that, by the time we both came of age, he would
be qualified to command a ship, and that, doubtless, I would naturally
desire to invest some of my spare cash in a vessel. The accumulations
of my estate alone would do this much, within the next five years, and
then a career of wealth and prosperity would lie open before us both.
"It is a good thing, Miles, no doubt," continued this tempting
sophist, "to have money at use, and a large farm, and a mill, and such
things; but many a ship nets more money, in a single voyage, than your
whole estate would sell for. Those that begin with nothing, too, they
tell me, are the most apt to succeed; and, if we go off with our
clothes only, we shall begin with nothing, too. Success may be said to
be certain. I like the notion of beginning with nothing, it is so
American!"
It is, in truth, rather a besetting weakness of America to suppose
that men who have never had any means for qualifying themselves for
particular pursuits, are the most likely to succeed in them; and
especially to fancy that those who "begin poor" are in a much better
way for acquiring wealth than they who commence with some means; and I
was disposed to lean to this latter doctrine myself, though I confess
I cannot recall an instance in which any person of my acquaintance has
given away his capital, however large and embarrassing it may have
been, in order to start fair with his poorer competitors.
Nevertheless, there was something taking, to my imagination, in the
notion of being the fabricator of my own fortune. In that day, it was
easy to enumerate every dwelling on the banks of the Hudson that
aspired to be called a seat, and I had often heard them named by those
who were familiar with the river. I liked the thought of erecting a
house on the Clawbonny property that might aspire to equal claims, and
to be the owner of a _seat_; though only after I had acquired the
means, myself, to carry out such a project. At present, I owned only a
_house_; my ambition was, to own a _seat_.
In a word, Rupert and I canvassed this matter in every possible way
for a month, now leaning to one scheme, and now to another, until I
determined to lay the whole affair before the two girls, under a
solemn pledge of secrecy. As we passed hours in company daily,
opportunities were not wanting to effect this purpose. I thought my
friend was a little shy on this project; but I had so much affection
for Grace, and so much confidence in Lucy's sound judgment, that I was
not to be turned aside from the completion of my purpose. It is now
more than forty years since the interview took place in which this
confidence was bestowed; but every minute occurrence connected with it
is as fresh in my mind as if the whole had taken place only yesterday.
We were all four of us seated on a rude bench that my mother had
caused to be placed under the shade of an enormous oak that stood on
the most picturesque spot, perhaps, on the whole farm, and which
commanded a distant view of one of the loveliest reaches of the
Hudson. Our side of the river, in general, does not possess as fine
views as the eastern, for the reason that all our own broken, and in
some instances magnificent back-ground of mountains, fills up the
landscape for our neighbours, while we are obliged to receive the
picture as it is set in a humbler frame; but there are exquisite bits
to be found on the western bank, and this was one of the very best of
them. The water was as placid as molten silver, and the sails of every
vessel in sight were hanging in listless idleness from their several
spars, representing commerce asleep. Grace had a deep feeling for
natural scenery, and she had a better mode of expressing her thoughts,
on such occasions, than is usual with girls of fourteen. She first
drew our attention to the view by one of her strong, eloquent bursts
of eulogium; and Lucy met the remark with a truthful, simple answer,
that showed abundant sympathy with the sentiment, though with less of
exaggeration of manner and feeling, perhaps. I seized the moment as
favourable for my purpose, and spoke out.
"If you admire a vessel so much, Grace," I said, "you will probably be
glad to hear that I think of becoming a sailor."
A silence of near two minutes succeeded, during which time I affected
to be gazing at the distant sloops, and then I ventured to steal a
glance at my companions. I found Grace's mild eyes earnestly riveted
on my face; and, turning from their anxious expression with a little
uneasiness, I encountered those of Lucy looking at me as intently as
if she doubted whether her ears had not deceived her.
"A sailor, Miles!"--my sister now slowly repeated--"I thought it
settled you were to study law."
"As far from that as we are from England; I've fully made up my mind
to see the world if I can, and Rupert, here--"
"What of Rupert, here?" Grace asked, a sudden change again coming over
her sweet countenance, though I was altogether too inexperienced to
understand its meaning. "_He_ is certainly to be a clergyman--his
dear father's assistant, and, a long, long, _very_ long time
hence, his successor!"
I could see that Rupert was whistling on a low key, and affecting to
look cool; but my sister's solemn, earnest, astonished manner had more
effect on us both, I believe, than either would have been willing to
own.
"Come, girls," I said at length, putting the best face on the matter,
"there is no use in keeping secrets from _you_--but remember that
what I am about to tell you _is_ a secret, and on no account is
to be betrayed."
"To no one but Mr. Hardinge," answered Grace. "If you intend to be a
sailor, he ought to know it."
"That comes from looking at our duties superficially," I had caught
this phrase from my friend, "and not distinguishing properly between
their shadows and their substance."
"Duties superficially! I do not understand you, Miles. Certainly
Mr. Hardinge ought to be told what profession you mean to
follow. Remember, brother, he now fills the place of a parent to you."
"He is not more _my_ parent than Rupert's--I fancy you will admit
that much!"
"Rupert, again! What has Rupert to do with your going to sea?"
"Promise me, then, to keep my secret, and you shall know all; both you
and Lucy must give me your words. I know you will not break them,
when once given."
"Promise him, Grace," said Lucy, in a low tone, and a voice that, even
at that age, I could perceive was tremulous. "If we promise, we shall
learn everything, and then may have some effect on these headstrong
boys by our advice."
"Boys! _You_ cannot mean, Lucy, that Rupert is not to be a
clergyman--your father's assistant; that Rupert means to be a sailor,
too?"
"One never knows what boys will do. Let us promise them, dear; then we
can better judge."
"I do" promise you, Miles, "said my sister, in a voice so solemn as
almost to frighten me.
"And I, Miles," added Lucy; but it was so low, I had to lean forward
to catch the syllables.
"This is honest and right,"--it was honest, perhaps, but very
wrong,--"and it convinces me that you are both reasonable, and will be
of use to us. Rupert and I have both made up our minds, and intend to
be sailors."
Exclamations followed from both girls, and another long silence
succeeded.
"As for the law, hang all law!" I continued, hemming, and determined
to speak like a man. "I never heard of a Wallingford who was a
lawyer."
"But you have _both_ heard of Hardinges who were clergymen," said
Grace, endeavouring to smile, though the expression of her countenance
was so painful that even now I dislike to recall it.
"And sailors, too," put in Rupert, a little more stoutly than I
thought possible. "My father's grandfather was an officer in the
navy."
"And _my_ father was a sailor himself--in the navy, too."
"But there is no navy in this country now, Miles," returned Lucy, in
an expostulating tone.
"What of that? There are plenty of ships. The ocean is just as big,
and the world just as wide, as if we had a navy to cover the first. I
see no great objection on that account--do you, Ru?"
"Certainly not. What we want is to go to sea, and that can be done in
an Indiaman, as well as in a man-of-war."
"Yes," said I, stretching myself with a little importance. "I fancy
an Indiaman, a vessel that goes all the way to Calcutta, round the
Cape of Good Hope, in the track of Vasquez de Gama, isn't exactly an
Albany sloop."
"Who is Vasquez de Gama?" demanded Lucy, with so much quickness as to
surprise me.
"Why, a _noble_ Portuguese, who discovered the Cape of Good Hope,
and first sailed round it, and then went to the Indies. You see,
girls, even _nobles_ are sailors, and why should not Rupert and I
be sailors?"
"It is not that, Miles," my sister answered; "every honest calling is
respectable. Have you and Rupert spoken to Mr. Hardinge on this
subject?"
"Not exactly--not spoken--hinted only--that is, blindly--not so as to
be understood, perhaps."
"He will _never_ consent, boys!" and this was uttered with
something very like an air of triumph.
"We have no intention of asking it of him, Grace. Rupert and I intend
to be off next week, without saying a word to Mr. Hardinge on the
subject."
Another long, eloquent silence succeeded, during which I saw Lucy bury
her face in her apron, while the tears openly ran down my sister's
cheek.
"You _do_ not--_cannot_ mean to do anything so cruel,
Miles!" Grace at length said.
"It is exactly because it will not be cruel, that we intend to do
it,"--here I nudged Rupert with my elbow, as a hint that I wanted
assistance; but he made no other reply than an answering nudge, which
I interpreted into as much as if he had said in terms, "You've got
into the scrape in your own way, and you may get out of it in the same
manner." "Yes," I continued, finding succour hopeless, "yes,
_that's_ just it."
"What is just it, Miles? You speak in a way to show that you are not
satisfied with yourself--neither you nor Rupert is satisfied with
himself, if the truth were known."
"I not satisfied with _myself!_ Rupert not satisfied with
_himself!_ You never were more mistaken in your life, Grace. If
there ever were two boys in New York State that _were_ well
satisfied with themselves, they are just Rupert and I."
Here Lucy raised her face from the apron and burst into a laugh, the
tears filling her eyes all the while.
"Believe them, dear Grace," she said. "They are precisely two
self-satisfied, silly fellows, that have got some ridiculous notions
in their heads, and then begin to talk about 'superficial views of
duties,' and all such nonsense. My father will set it all right, and
the boys will have had their talk."
"Not so last, Miss Lucy, if you please. Your father will not know a
syllable of the matter until you tell him all about it, after we are
gone. We intend 'to relieve him from all responsibility in the
premises.'"
This last sounded very profound, and a little magnificent, to my
imagination; and I looked at the girls to note the effect. Grace was
weeping, and weeping only; but Lucy looked saucy and mocking, even
while the tears bedewed her smiling face, as rain sometimes falls
while the sun is shining.
"Yes," I repeated, with emphasis, "'of all responsibility in the
premises.' I hope that is plain English, and good English, although I
know that Mr. Hardinge has been trying to make you both so simple in
your language, that you turn up your noses at a profound sentiment,
whenever you hear one."
In 1797, the grandiose had by no means made the deep invasion into the
everyday language of the country, that it has since done. Anything of
the sublime, or of the recondite, school was a good deal more apt to
provoke a smile, than it is to-day--the improvement proceeding, as I
have understood through better judges than myself, from the great
melioration of mind and manners that is to be traced to the speeches
in congress, and to the profundities of the newspapers. Rupert,
however, frequently ornamented his ideas, and I may truly say
everything ambitious that adorned my discourse was derived from his
example. I almost thought Lucy impertinent for presuming to laugh at
sentiments which came from such a source, and, by way of settling my
own correctness of thought and terms, I made no bones of falling back
on my great authority, by fairly pointing him out.
"I thought so!" exclaimed Lucy, now laughing with all her heart,
though a little hysterically; "I thought so, for this is just like
Rupert, who is always talking to me about 'assuming the
responsibility,' and 'conclusions in the premises,' and all such
nonsense. Leave the boys to my father, Grace, and he will 'assume the
responsibility' of 'concluding the premises,' and the whole of the
foolish scheme along with it!"
This would have provoked me, had not Grace manifested so much sisterly
interest in my welfare that I was soon persuaded to tell
_her_--that minx Lucy overhearing every syllable, though I had
half a mind to tell her to go away--all about our project.
"You see," I continued, "if Mr. Hardinge knows anything about our
plan, people will say he ought to have stopped us. 'He a clergyman,
and not able to keep two lads of sixteen or seventeen from running
away and going to sea!' they will say, as if it were so easy to
prevent two spirited youths from seeing the world. Whereas, if he knew
nothing about it, nobody can blame him. That is what I call 'relieving
him from the responsibility.' Now, we intend to be off next week, or
as soon as the jackets and trowsers that are making for us, under the
pretence of being boat-dresses, are finished. We mean to go down the
river in the sail-boat, taking Neb with us to bring the boat back. Now
you know the whole story, there will be no occasion to leave a letter
for Mr. Hardinge; for, three hours after we have sailed, you can tell
him everything. We shall be gone a year; at the end of that time you
may look for us both, and glad enough shall we all be to see each
other. Rupert and I will be young men then, though you call us boys
now."
This last picture a good deal consoled the girls. Rupert, too, who had
unaccountably kept back, throwing the labouring-oar altogether on me,
came to the rescue, and, with his subtle manner and oily tongue, began
to make the wrong appear the right. I do not think he blinded his own
sister in the least, but I fear he had too much influence over mine.
Lucy, though all heart, was as much matter-of-fact as her brother was
a sophist. He was ingenious in glozing over truths; she, nearly
unerring in detecting them. I never knew a greater contrast between
two human beings, than there was between these two children of the
same parents, in this particular. I have heard that the son took after
the mother, in this respect, and that the daughter took after the
father; though Mrs. Hardinge died too early to have had any moral
influence on the character of her children.
We came again and again to the discussion of our subject during the
next two or three days. The girls endeavoured earnestly to persuade us
to ask Mr. Hardinge's permission for the step we were about to
undertake; but all in vain. We lads were so thoroughly determined to
"relieve the divine from all responsibility in the premises," that
they might as well have talked to stones. We knew these just-minded,
sincere, upright girls would not betray us, and continued obdurate to
the last. As we expected, as soon as convinced their importunities
were useless, they seriously set about doing all they could to render
us comfortable. They made us duck bags to hold our clothes, two each,
and mended our linen, stockings, &c., and even helped to procure us
some clothes more suited to the contemplated expedition than most of
those we already possessed. Our "long togs," indeed, we determined to
leave behind us, retaining just one suit each, and that of the
plainest quality. In the course of a week everything was ready, our
bags well lined, being concealed in the storehouse at the landing. Of
this building I could at any moment procure the key, my authority as
heir-apparent being very considerable, already, on the farm.
As for Neb, he was directed to have the boat all ready for the
succeeding Tuesday evening, it being the plan to sail the day after
the Wallingford of Clawbonny (this was the name of the sloop) had gone
on one of her regular trips, in order to escape a pursuit. I had made
all the calculations about the tide, and knew that the Wallingford
would go out about nine in the morning, leaving us to follow before
midnight. It was necessary to depart at night and when the wharf was
clear, in order to avoid observation.
Tuesday was an uneasy, nervous and sad day for us all, Mr. Hardinge
excepted. As the last had not the smallest distrust, he continued
calm, quiet, and cheerful as was his wont. Rupert had a
conscience-stricken and furtive air about him, while the eyes of the
two dear, girls were scarcely a moment without tears. Grace seemed now
the most composed of the two, and I have since suspected that she had
had a private conversation with my ingenious friend, whose convincing
powers were of a very extraordinary quality, when he set about their
use in downright earnest. As for Lucy, she seemed to me to have been
weeping the entire day.
At nine o'clock it was customary for the whole family to separate,
after prayers. Most of us went to bed at that early hour, though
Mr. Hardinge himself seldom sought his pillow until midnight. This
habit compelled us to use a good deal of caution in getting out of the
house, in which Rupert and myself succeeded, however, without
discovery, just as the clock struck eleven. We had taken leave of the
girls in a hasty manner, in a passage, shaking hands, and each of us
kissing his own sister, as he affected to retire for the night. To
own the truth, we were much gratified in finding how reasonably Grace
and Lucy behaved, on the occasion, and not a little surprised, for we
had expected a scene, particularly with the former.
We walked away from the house with heavy hearts, few leaving the
paternal roof for the first time, to enter upon the chances of the
world, without a deep sense of the dependence in which they had
hitherto lived. We walked fast and silently, and reached the wharf in
less than half an hour, a distance of near two miles. I was just on
the point of speaking to Neb, whose figure I could see in the boat,
when I caught a glimpse of two female forms within six feet of
me. There were Grace and Lucy, in tears, both waiting our arrival,
with a view to see us depart! I confess I was shocked and concerned at
seeing these two delicate girls so far from their home, at such an
hour; and my first impulse was to see them both safely back before I
would enter the boat; but to this neither would consent. All my
entreaties were thrown away, and I was obliged to submit.
I know not exactly how it happened, but of the fact I am certain; odd
as it may seem, at a moment like that, when about to separate, instead
of each youth's getting his own sister aside to make his last
speeches, and say his last say to, each of us got his friend's sister
aside. I do not mean that we were making love, or anything of the
sort; we were a little too young, perhaps, for that; but we obeyed an
impulse which, as Rupert would have said, "produced that result."
What passed between Grace and her companion, I do not know. As for
Lucy and myself, it was all plain-sailing and fair dealing. The
excellent creature forced on me six gold pieces, which I knew had come
to her as an heirloom from her mother, and which I had often heard her
declare she never meant to use, unless in the last extremity. She knew
I had but five dollars on earth, and that Rupert had not one; and she
offered me this gold. I told her Rupert had better take it; no,
_I_ had better take it. I should use it more prudently than
Rupert, and would use it for the good of both. "Besides, you are
rich," she said, smiling through her tears, "and can repay me--I
_lend_ them to you; to Rupert I should have to _give_ them."
I could not refuse the generous girl, and took the money, all
half-joes, with a determination to repay them with interest. Then I
folded her to my heart, and kissed her six or eight times with
fervour, the first time I had done such a thing in two years, and tore
myself away. I do not think Rupert embraced Grace, but I confess I do
not know, although we were standing within three or four yards of each
other, the whole time.
"Write, Miles--write, Rupert," said the sobbing girls leaning forward
from the wharf, as we shoved off. It was not so dark but we could see
their dear forms for several minutes, or until a bend in the creek put
a dark mass of earth between us and them.
Such was the manner of my departure from Clawbonny, in the month of
September, 1797. I wanted a few days of being seventeen; Rupert was
six months older, and Neb was his senior, again, by near a
twelvemonth. Everything was in the boat but our hearts. Mine, I can
truly say, remained with the two beloved creatures we left on the
wharf; while Rupert's was betwixt and between, I fancy--seldom
absolutely deserting the dear tenement in which it was encased by
nature.