"I know that Deformed; he has been a vile thief this seven year he
goes up and down like a gentleman."
MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.
Eve, and her cousin, found Sir George Templemore and Captain Truck in
the drawing-room, the former having lingered in New-York, with a
desire to be near his friends, and the latter being on the point of
sailing for Europe, in his regular turn. To these must be added Mr.
Bragg and the ordinary inmates of the house, when the reader will get
a view of the whole party.
Aristabulus had never before sat down to as brilliant a table, and
for the first time in his life, he saw candles lighted at a dinner;
but he was not a man to be disconcerted at a novelty. Had he been a
European of the same origin and habits, awkwardness would have
betrayed him fifty times, before the dessert made its appearance;
but, being the man he was, one who overlooked a certain prurient
politeness that rather illustrated his deportment, might very well
have permitted him to pass among the _oi polloi_ of the world, were
it not for a peculiar management in the way of providing for himself.
It is true, he asked every one near him to eat of every thing he
could himself reach, and that he used his knife as a coal-heaver uses
a shovel; but the company he was in, though fastidious in its own
deportment, was altogether above the silver-forkisms, and this
portion of his demeanour, if it did not escape undetected, passed
away unnoticed. Not so, however, with the peculiarity already
mentioned as an exception. This touch of deportment, (or management,
perhaps, is the better word,) being characteristic of the man, it
deserves to be mentioned a little in detail.
The service at Mr. Effingham's table was made in the quiet, but
thorough manner that distinguishes a French dinner. Every dish was
removed, carved by the domestics, and handed in turn to each guest.
But there were a delay and a finish in this arrangement that
suited neither Aristabulus's go-a-head-ism, nor his organ of
acquisitiveness. Instead of waiting, therefore, for the more
graduated movements of the domestics, he began to take care of
himself, an office that he performed with a certain dexterity that he
had acquired by frequenting ordinaries--a school, by the way, in
which he had obtained most of his notions of the proprieties of the
table. One or two slices were obtained in the usual manner, or by
means of the regular service; and, then, like one who had laid the
foundation of a fortune, by some lucky windfall in the commencement
of his career, he began to make accessions, right and left, as
opportunity offered. Sundry _entremets_, or light dishes that had a
peculiarly tempting appearance, came first under his grasp. Of these
he soon accumulated all within his reach, by taxing his neighbours,
when he ventured to send his plate, here and there, or wherever he
saw a dish that promised to reward his trouble. By such means, which
were resorted to, however, with a quiet and unobtrusive assiduity
that escaped much observation, Mr. Bragg contrived to make his own
plate a sample epitome of the first course. It contained in the
centre, fish, beef, and ham; and around these staple articles, he had
arranged _croquettes, rognons, râgouts_, vegetables, and other light
things, until not only was the plate completely covered, but it was
actually covered in double and triple layers; mustard, cold butter,
salt, and even pepper, garnishing its edges. These different
accumulations were the work of time and address, and most of the
company had repeatedly changed their plates before Aristabulus had
eaten a mouthful, the soup excepted. The happy moment when his
ingenuity was to be rewarded, had now arrived, and the land agent was
about to commence the process of mastication, or of deglutition
rather, for he troubled himself very little with the first operation,
when the report of a cork drew his attention towards the chaimpaigne.
To Aristabulus this wine never came amiss, for, relishing its
piquancy, he had never gone far enough into the science of the table
to learn which were the proper moments for using it. As respected all
the others at table, this moment had in truth arrived, though, as
respected himself, he was no nearer to it, according to a regulated
taste, than when he first took his seat. Perceiving that Pierre was
serving it, however, he offered his own glass, and enjoyed a
delicious instant, as he swallowed a beverage that much surpassed any
thing he had ever known to issue out of the waxed and leaded nozles
that, pointed like so many enemies' batteries, loaded with headaches
and disordered stomachs, garnished sundry village bars of his
acquaintance.
Aristabulus finished his glass at a draught, and when he took breath,
he fairly smacked his lips. That was an unlucky instant, his plate,
burthened with all its treasures, being removed, at this unguarded
moment; the man who performed the unkind office, fancying that a
dislike to the dishes could alone have given rise to such an omnium-
gatherum.
It was necessary to commence _de novo_, but this could no longer be
done with the first course, which was removed, and Aristabulus set-
to, with zeal, forthwith, on the game. Necessity compelled him to
eat, as the different dishes were offered; and, such was his ordinary
assiduity with the knife and fork, that, at the end of the second
remove, he had actually disposed of more food than any other person
at table. He now began to converse, and we shall open the
conversation at the precise point in the dinner, when it was in the
power of Aristabulus to make one of the interlocutors.
Unlike Mr. Dodge, he had betrayed no peculiar interest in the
baronet, being a man too shrewd and worldly to set his heart on
trifles of any sort; and Mr. Bragg no more hesitated about replying
to Sir George Templemore, or Mr. Effingham, than he would have
hesitated about answering one of his own nearest associates. With him
age and experience formed no particular claims to be heard, and, as
to rank, it is true he had some vague ideas about there being such a
thing in the militia, but as it was unsalaried rank, he attached no
great importance to it. Sir George Templemore was inquiring
concerning the recording of deeds, a regulation that had recently
attracted attention in England; and one of Mr. Effingham's replies
contained some immaterial inaccuracy, which Aristabulus took occasion
to correct, as his first appearance in the general discourse.
"I ask pardon, sir," he concluded his explanations by saying, "but I
ought to know these little niceties, having served a short part of a
term as a county clerk, to fill a vacancy occasioned by a death."
"You mean, Mr. Bragg, that you were employed to _write_ in a county
clerk's office," observed John Effingham, who so much disliked
untruth, that he did not hesitate much about refuting it; or what he
now fancied to be an untruth.
"As county clerk, sir. Major Pippin died a year before his time was
out, and I got the appointment. As regular a county clerk, sir, as
there is in the fifty-six counties of New-York."
"When I had the honour to engage you as Mr. Effingham's agent, sir,"
returned the other, a little sternly, for he felt his own character
for veracity involved in that of the subject of his selection, "I
believe, indeed, that you were writing in the office, but I did not
understand it was as _the_ clerk."
"Very true, Mr. John," returned Aristabulus, without discovering the
least concern, "I was _then_ engaged by my successor as _a_ clerk;
but a few months earlier, I filled the office myself."
"Had you gone on, in the regular line of promotion, my dear sir,"
pithily inquired Captain Truck, "to what preferment would you have
risen by this time?"
"I believe I understand you, gentlemen," returned the unmoved
Aristabulus, who perceived a general smile. "I know that some people
are particular about keeping pretty much on the same level, as to
office: but I hold to no such doctrine. If one good thing cannot be
had, I do not see that it is a reason for rejecting another. I ran
that year for sheriff, and finding I was not strong enough to carry
the county, I accepted my successor's offer to write in the office,
until something better might turn up."
"You practised all this time, I believe, Mr. Bragg," observed John
Effingham.
"I did a little in that way, too, sir; or as much as I could. Law is
flat with us, of late, and many of the attorneys are turning their
attention to other callings."
"And pray, sir," asked Sir George, "what is the favourite pursuit
with most of them, just now?"
"Some our way have gone into the horse-line; but much the greater
portion are, just now, dealing in western cities.
"In western cities!" exclaimed the baronet, looking as if he
distrusted a mystification.
"In such articles, and in mill-seats, and rail-road lines, and other
expectations."
"Mr. Bragg means that they are buying and selling lands on which it
is hoped all these conveniences may exist, a century hence,"
explained John Effingham.
"The _hope_ is for next year, or next week, even, Mr. John," returned
Aristabulus, with a sly look, "though you may be very right as to the
_reality_. Great fortunes have been made on a capital of hopes,
lately, in this country."
"And have you been able, yourself, to resist these temptations?"
asked Mr. Effingham. "I feel doubly indebted to you, sir, that you
should have continued to devote your time to my interests, while so
many better things were offering."
"It was my duty, sir," said Aristabulus, bowing so much the lower,
from the consciousness that he had actually deserted his post for
some months, to embark in the western speculations that were then so
active in the country, "not to say my pleasure. There are many
profitable occupations in this country, Sir George, that have been
overlooked in the eagerness to embark in the town-trade--"
"Mr. Bragg does not mean trade in town, but trade in towns,"
explained John Effingham.
"Yes, sir, the traffic in cities. I never come this way, without
casting an eye about me, in order to see if there is any thing to be
done that is useful; and I confess that several available
opportunities have offered, if one had capital. Milk is a good
business."
"_Le lait!_" exclaimed Mademoiselle Viefville, involuntarily.
"Yes, ma'am, for ladies as well as gentlemen. Sweet potatoes I have
heard well spoken of, and peaches are really making some rich men's
fortunes."
"All of which are honester and better occupations than the traffic in
cities, that you have mentioned," quietly observed Mr. Effingham.
Aristabulus looked up in a little surprise, for with him every thing
was eligible that returned a good profit, and all things honest that
the law did not actually punish. Perceiving, however, that the
company was disposed to listen, and having, by this time, recovered
the lost ground, in the way of food, he cheerfully resumed his theme.
"Many families have left Otsego, this and the last summer, Mr.
Effingham, as emigrants for the west. The fever has spread far and
wide."
"The fever! Is _old_ Otsego," for so its inhabitants loved to call a
county of half a century's existence, it being venerable by
comparison, "is _old_ Otsego losing its well established character
for salubrity?"
"I do not allude to an animal fever, but to the western fever."
"_Ce pays de l'ouest, est-il bien malsain_?" whispered Mademoiselle
Viefville.
"_Apparemment, Mademoiselle, sur plusieurs rapports."_
"The western fever has seized old and young, and it has carried off
many active families from our part of the world," continued
Aristabulus, who did not understand the little aside just mentioned,
and who, of course, did not heed it; "most of the counties adjoining
our own have lost a considerable portion of their population."
"And they who have gone, do they belong to the permanent families, or
are they merely the floating inhabitants?" inquired Mr. Effingham.
"Most of them belong to the regular movers."
"Movers!" again exclaimed Sir George--"is there any material part of
your population who actually deserve this name?"
"As much so as the man who shoes a horse ought to be called a smith,
or the man who frames a house a carpenter," answered John Effingham.
"To be sure," continued Mr. Bragg, "we have a pretty considerable
leaven of them in our political dough, as well as in our active
business. I believe, Sir George, that in England, men are tolerably
stationary."
"We love to continue for generations on the same spot. We love the
tree that our forefathers planted, the roof that they built, the
fire-side by which they sat, the sods that cover their remains."
"Very poetical, and I dare say there are situations in life, in which
such feelings come in without much effort. It must be a great check
to business operations, however, in your part of the world, sir!"
"Business operations!--what is business, as you term it, sir, to the
affections, to the recollections of ancestry, and to the solemn
feelings connected with history and tradition?"
"Why, sir, in the way of history, one meets with but few incumbrances
in this country, but he may do very much as interest dictates, so far
as that is concerned, at least. A nation is much to be pitied that is
weighed down by the past, in this manner, since its industry and
enterprize are constantly impeded by obstacles that grow out of its
recollections. America may, indeed, be termed a happy and a free
country, Mr. John Effingham, in this, as well as in all other
things!"
Sir George Templemore was too well-bred to utter all he felt at that
moment, as it would unavoidably wound the feelings of his hosts, but
he was rewarded for his forbearance by intelligent smiles from Eve
and Grace, the latter of whom the young baronet fancied, just at that
moment, was quite as beautiful as her cousin, and if less finished in
manners, she had the most interesting _naiveté_.
"I have been told that most old nations have to struggle with
difficulties that we escape," returned John Effingham, "though I
confess this is a superiority on our part, that never before
presented itself to my mind."
"The political economists, and even the geographers have overlooked
it, but practical men see and feel its advantages, every hour in the
day. I have been told, Sir George Templemore, that in England, there
are difficulties in running highways and streets through homesteads
and dwellings; and that even a rail-road, or a canal, is obliged to
make a curve to avoid a church-yard or a tomb-stone?"
"I confess to the sin, sir."
"Our friend Mr. Bragg," put in John Effingham, "considers life as all
_means_ and no _end_."
"An end cannot be got at without the means, Mr. John Effingham, as I
trust you will, yourself, admit. I am for the end of the road, at
least, and must say that I rejoice in being a native of a country in
which as few impediments as possible exist to onward impulses. The
man who should resist an improvement, in our part of the country, on
account of his forefathers, would fare badly among his contemporaries."
"Will you permit me to ask, Mr. Bragg, if you feel no local
attachments yourself," enquired the baronet, throwing as much
delicacy into the tones of his voice, as a question that he felt
ought to be an insult to a man's heart, would allow--"if one tree is
not more pleasant than another; the house you were born in more
beautiful than a house into which you never entered; or the altar at
which you have long worshipped, more sacred than another at which you
never knelt?"
"Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than to answer the questions
of gentlemen that travel through our country," returned Aristabulus,
"for I think, in making nations acquainted with each other, we
encourage trade and render business more secure. To reply to your
inquiry, a human being is not a cat, to love a locality rather than
its own interests. I have found some trees much pleasanter than
others, and the pleasantest tree I can remember was one of my own,
out of which the sawyers made a thousand feet of clear stuff, to say
nothing of middlings. The house I was born in was pulled down,
shortly after my birth, as indeed has been its successor, so I can
tell you nothing on that head; and as for altars, there are none in
my persuasion."
"The church of Mr. Bragg has stripped itself as naked as he would
strip every thing else, if he could," said John Effingham. "I much
question if he ever knelt even; much less before an altar."
"We are of the standing order, certainly," returned Aristabulus,
glancing towards the ladies to discover how they took his wit, "and
Mr. John Effingham is as near right as a man need be, in a matter of
faith. In the way of houses, Mr. Effingham, I believe it is the
general opinion you might have done better with your own, than to
have repaired it. Had the materials been disposed of, they would have
sold well, and by running a street through the property, a pretty sum
might have been realized."
"In which case I should have been without a home, Mr. Bragg."
"It would have been no great matter to get another on cheaper land.
The old residence would have made a good factory, or an inn."
"Sir, I _am_ a cat, and like the places I have long frequented."
Aristabulus, though not easily daunted, was awed by Mr. Effingham's
manner, and Eve saw that her father's fine face had flushed. This
interruption, therefore, suddenly changed the discourse, which has
been recreated at some length, as likely to give the reader a better
insight into a character that will fill some space in our narrative,
than a more laboured description.
"I trust your owners, Captain Truck," said John Effingham, by way of
turning the conversation into another channel, "are fully satisfied
with the manner in which you saved their property from the hands of
the Arabs?"
"Men, when money is concerned, are more disposed to remember how it
was lost than how it was recovered, religion and trade being the two
poles, on such a point," returned the old seaman, with a serious
face. "On the whole, my dear sir, I have reason to be satisfied,
however; and so long as you, my passengers and my friends, are not
inclined to blame me, I shall feel as if I had done at least a part
of my duty."
Eve rose from table, went to a side-board and returned, when she
gracefully placed before the master of the Montauk a rich and
beautifully chased punch-bowl, in silver. Almost at the same moment,
Pierre offered a salver that contained a capital watch, a pair of
small silver tongs to hold a coal, and a deck trumpet, in solid
silver.
"These are so many faint testimonials of our feelings," said
Eve--"and you will do us the favour to retain them, as evidences of
the esteem created by skill, kindness, and courage."
"My dear young lady!" cried the old tar, touched to the soul by the
feeling with which Eve acquitted herself of this little duty, "my
dear young lady--well, God bless you--God bless you all--you too, Mr.
John Effingham, for that matter--and Sir George--that I should ever
have taken that runaway for a gentleman and a baronet--though I
suppose there are some silly baronets, as well as silly lords--retain
them?"--glancing furiously at Mr. Aristabulus Bragg, "may the Lord
forget me, in the heaviest hurricane, if I ever forget whence these
things came, and why they were given."
Here the worthy captain was obliged to swallow some wine, by way of
relieving his emotions, and Aristabulus, profiting by the
opportunity, coolly took the bowl, which, to use a word of his own,
he _hefted_ in his hand, with a view to form some tolerably accurate
notion of its intrinsic value. Captain Truck's eye caught the action,
and he reclaimed his property quite as unceremoniously as it had been
taken away, nothing but the presence of the ladies preventing an
outbreaking that would have amounted to a declaration of war.
"With your permission, sir," said the captain, drily, after he had
recovered the bowl, not only without the other's consent, but, in
some degree, against his will; "this bowl is as precious in my eyes
as if it were made of my father's bones."
"You may indeed think so," returned the land-agent, "for its cost
could not be less than a hundred dollars."
"Cost, sir!--But, my dear young lady, let us talk of the real value.
For what part of these things am I indebted to you?"
"The bowl is my offering," Eve answered, smilingly, though a tear
glistened in her eye, as she witnessed the strong unsophisticated
feeling of the old tar. "I thought it might serve sometimes to bring
me to your recollection, when it was well filled in honour of
'sweethearts and wives.'"
"It shall--it shall, by the Lord; and Mr. Saunders needs look to it,
if he do not keep this work as bright as a cruising frigate's bottom.
To whom do I owe the coal-tongs?"
"Those are from Mr. John Effingham, who insists that he will come
nearer to your heart than any of us, though the gift be of so little
cost."
"He does not know me, my dear young lady--nobody ever got as near my
heart as you; no, not even my own dear pious old mother. But I thank
Mr. John Effingham from my inmost spirit, and shall seldom smoke
without thinking of him. The watch I know is Mr. Effingham's, and I
ascribe the trumpet to Sir George."
The bows of the several gentlemen assured the captain he was right,
and he shook each of them cordially by the hand, protesting, in the
fulness of his heart, that nothing would give him greater pleasure
than to be able to go through the same perilous scenes as those from
which they had so lately escaped, in their good company again.
While this was going on, Aristabulus, notwithstanding the rebuke he
had received, contrived to get each article, in succession, into his
hands, and by dint of poising it on a finger, or by examining it, to
form some approximative notion of its inherent value. The watch he
actually opened, taking as good a survey of its works as the
circumstances of the case would very well allow.
"I respect these things, sir, more than you respect your father's
grave," said Captain Truck sternly, as he rescued the last article
from what he thought the impious grasp of Aristabulus again, "and cat
or no cat, they sink or swim with me for the remainder of the cruise.
If there is any virtue in a will, which I am sorry to say I hear
there is not any longer, they shall share my last bed with me, be it
ashore or be it afloat. My dear young lady, fancy all the rest, but
depend on it, punch will be sweeter than ever taken from this bowl,
and 'sweethearts and wives' will never be so honoured again."
"We are going to a ball this evening, at the house of one with whom I
am sufficiently intimate to take the liberty of introducing a
stranger, and I wish, gentlemen," said Mr. Effingham, bowing to
Aristabulus and the captain, by way of changing the conversation,
"you would do me the favour to be of our party."
Mr. Bragg acquiesced very cheerfully, and quite as a matter of
course; while Captain Truck, after protesting his unfitness for such
scenes, was finally prevailed on by John Effingham, to comply with
the request also. The ladies remained at table but a few minutes
longer, when they retired, Mr. Effingham having dropped into the old
custom of sitting at the bottle, until summoned to the drawing-room,
a usage that continues to exist in America, for a reason no better
than the fact that it continues to exist in England;--it being almost
certain that it will cease in New-York, the season after it is known
to have ceased in London.