Lialia wept in her room for such a long while that at last, her faceburied in the pillows, she fell asleep. She woke next morning withaching head and swollen eyes, her first thought being that she must notcry, as Riasantzeff, who was coming to lunch, would be shocked to seeher looking so plain. Then, suddenly, she recollected that all was overbetween them, and a sense of bitter pain and burning love caused her toweep afresh.
"How base, how horrible!" she murmured, striving to keep back hertears. "And why? Why?" she repeated, as infinite grief for love thatwas lost seemed to overwhelm her. It was revolting to think thatRiasantzeff had always lied to her in such a facile, heartless way."And not only he, but all the others lied, too," she thought. "They allof them professed to be so delighted at our marriage, and said that hewas such a good, honest fellow! Well, no, they didn't actually lieabout it, but they simply didn't think it was wrong. How hateful ofthem!"
Thus all those who surrounded her seemed odious, evil persons. Sheleant her forehead against the window-pane and through her tears, gazedat the garden. It was gloomy, there; and large raindrops beatincessantly against the panes, so that Lialia could not tell if it werethese or her tears which hid the garden from her view. The trees lookedsad and forlorn, their pale, dripping leaves and black boughs faintlydiscernible amid the general downpour that converted the lawn into amuddy swamp.
And Lialia's whole life seemed to her utterly unhappy; the future washopeless, the past all dark.
When the maid-servant came to call her to breakfast, Lialia, though sheheard the words, failed to understand their meaning. Afterwards, attable, she felt confused when her father spoke to her. It was as if hespoke with special pity in his voice; no doubt, every one knew by thistime how abominably false to her the beloved one had been. She hastilyreturned to her room and once more sat down and gazed at the grey,dreary garden.
"Why should he be so false? Why should he have hurt me like this? Is itthat he does not love me? No, Tolia loves me, and I love him. Well,then, what is wrong? Why it's this; he's deceived me; he's been makinglove to all sorts of nasty women. I wonder if they loved him as I lovehim?" she asked herself, naively, ardently. "Oh! how silly I am, to besure! What's the good of worrying about that? He has been false to me,and everything now is at an end. Oh! how perfectly miserable I am! Yes,I ought to worry about it! He was false to me! At least, he might haveconfessed it to me! But he didn't! Oh! it's abominable! Kissing a lotof other women, and perhaps, even ... It's awful. Oh I I'm sowretched!"
A little frog hopped across the path, With legs outstretched!
Thus sang Lialia, mentally, as she spied a little grey ball hoppingtimidly across the slippery foot-path.
"Yes, I am miserable, and it is all over," thought she, as the frogdisappeared in the long grass. "For me it was all so beautiful, sowonderful, and for him, well--just an ordinary, commonplace affair!That is why he always avoided speaking to me of his past life! That iswhy he always looked so strange, as if he were thinking of something;as if he were thinking 'I know all about that; I know exactly what youfeel and what the result of it will be.' While all the time, I was....Oh! it's horrible! It's shameful! I'll never, never love anybodyagain!"
And she wept again, her cheek pressed against the cool window-pane, asshe watched the drifting clouds.
"But Tolia is coming to lunch to-day!" The thought of it made hershiver. "What am I to say to him? What ought one to say in cases ofthis kind?"
Lialia opened her mouth and stared anxiously at the wall.
"I must ask Yourii about it. Dear Yourii! He's so good and upright!"she thought, as tears of sympathy filled her eyes. Then, being neverwont to postpone matters, she hastened to her brother's room. There shefound Schafroff who was discussing something with Yourii. She stood,irresolute, in the doorway.
"Good morning," she said absently.
"Good morning!" replied Schafroff. "Pray come in, LudmillaNicolaijevna; your help is absolutely necessary in this matter."
Still somewhat embarrassed, Lialia sat down obediently at the table andbegan fingering in desultory fashion some of the green and redpamphlets which were heaped upon it.
"You see, it's like this," began Schafroff, turning towards her as ifhe were about to explain something extremely complicated, "several ofour comrades at Koursk are very hard up, and we must absolutely do whatwe can to help them. So I think of getting up a concert, eh, what?"
This favourite expression of Schafroff's, "eh, what?" reminded Lialiaof her object in coming to her brother's room, and she glancedhopefully at Yourii.
"Why not? It's a very good idea!" she replied, wondering why Youriiavoided her glance.
After Lialia's torrent of tears and the gloomy thoughts which hadharassed him all night long, Yourii felt too depressed to speak to hissister. He had expected that she would come to him for advice, yet togive this in a satisfactory way seemed impossible. So, too, it wasimpossible to take back what he had said in order to comfort Lialia,and thrust her back into Riasantzeff's arms; nor had he the heart togive the death-blow to her childish happiness.
"Well, this is what we have decided to do," continued Schafroff, movingnearer to Lialia, as if the matter were becoming much more complex, "wemean to ask Lida Sanina and Sina Karsavina to sing. Each a solo, firstof all, and afterwards a duet. One is a contralto, and the other, asoprano, so that will do nicely. Then I shall play the violin, andafterwards Sarudine might sing, accompanied by Tanaroff."
"Oh! then, officers are to take part in the concert, are they?" askedLialia mechanically, thinking all the while of something quitedifferent.
"Why, of course!" exclaimed Schafroff, with a wave of his hand. "Lidahas only got to accept, and they'll all swarm round her like bees. Asfor Sarudine, he'll be delighted to sing; it doesn't matter where, solong as he can sing. This will attract a good many of his brother-officers, and we shall get a full house."
"You ought to ask Sina Karsavina," said Lialia, looking wistfully ather brother. "He surely can't have forgotten," she thought. "How can hediscuss this stupid concert, whilst I ..."
"Why, I told you just now we had done so!" replied Schafroff. "Oh! yes,so you did," said Lialia, smiling faintly. "Then there's Lida. But youmentioned her I think?"
"Of course I did! Whom else can we ask, eh?"
"I really ... don't know!" faltered Lialia. "I've got such a headache."
Yourii glanced hurriedly at his sister, and then continued to pore overhis pamphlets. Pale and heavy-eyed, she excited his compassion.
"Oh! why, why did I say all that to her?" he thought. "The wholequestion is so obscure, to me, as to so many others, and now it mustneeds trouble her poor little heart! Why, why did I say that!"
He felt as if he could tear his hair.
"If you please, miss," said the maid at the door, "Mr. AnatolePavlovitch has just come."
Yourii gave another frightened glance at his sister, and met her sadeyes. In confusion he turned to Schafroff, and said hastily:
"Have you read Charles Bradlaugh?"
"Yes, we read some of his works with Dubova, and Sina Karsavina. Mostinteresting."
"Yes. Oh! have they come back?"
"Yes."
"Since when?" asked Yourii, hiding his emotion.
"Since the day before yesterday."
"Oh! really!" replied Yourii, as he watched Lialia. He felt ashamed andafraid in her presence, as if he had deceived her.
For a moment Lialia stood there irresolute, touching things nervouslyon the table. Then she approached the door.
"Oh! what have I done!" thought Yourii, as, sincerely grieved, helistened to the sound of her faltering footsteps. As she went towardsthe other room, Lialia, doubting and distressed, felt as if she werefrozen. It seemed as though she were wandering in a dark wood. Sheglanced at a mirror, and saw the reflection of her own ruefulcountenance.
"He shall just see me looking like this!" she thought.
Riasantzeff was standing in the dining-room, saying in his remarkablypleasant voice to Nicolai Yegorovitch;
"Of course, it's rather strange, but quite harmless."
At the sound of his voice Lialia felt her heart throb violently, as ifit must break. When Riasantzeff saw her, he suddenly stopped talkingand came forward to meet her with outstretched arms. She alone knewthat this gesture signified his desire to embrace her.
Lialia looked up shyly at him, and her lips trembled. Without a wordshe pulled her hand away, crossed the room and opened the glass doorleading to the balcony. Riasantzeff watched her, calmly, but withslight astonishment.
"My Ludmilla Nicolaijevna is cross," he said to Nicolai Yegorovitchwith serio-comic gravity of manner. The latter burst out laughing.
"You had better go and make it up."
"There's nothing else to be done!" sighed Riasantzeff, in drollfashion, as he followed Lialia on to the balcony.
It was still raining. The monotonous sound of falling drops filled theair; but the sky seemed clearer now, and there was a break in theclouds.
Lialia, her cheek propped against one of the cold, damp pillars of theveranda, let the rain beat upon her bare head, so that her hair was wetthrough.
"My princess is displeased ... Lialitschka!" said Riasantzeff, as hedrew her closer to him, and lightly kissed moist, fragrant hair.
At this touch, so intimate and familiar, something seemed to melt inLialia's breast, and without knowing what she did, she flung her armsround her lover's strong neck as, amid a shower of kisses, shemurmured:
"I am very, very angry with you! You're a bad man!"
All the while she kept thinking that after all there was nothing sobad, or awful, or irreparable as she had supposed. What did it matter?All that she wanted was to love and be loved by this big, handsome man.
Afterwards, at table, it was painful to her to notice Yourii's look ofamazement, and, when the chance came, she whispered to him, "It's awfulof me, I know!" at which he only smiled awkwardly. Yourii was reallypleased that the matter should have ended happily like this, while yetaffecting to despise such an attitude of bourgeois complacency andtoleration. He withdrew to his room, remaining there alone until theevening, and as, before sunset, the sky grew clear, he took his gun,intending to shoot in the same place where he and Riasantzeff had beenyesterday.
After the rain, the marsh seemed full of new life. Many strange soundswere now audible, and the grasses waved as if stirred by some secretvital force. Frogs croaked lustily in a chorus; now and again somebirds uttered a sharp discordant cry; while at no great distance, yetout of range, ducks could be heard cackling in the wet reeds. Yourii,however, felt no desire to shoot, but he shouldered his gun and turnedhomeward, listening to sounds of crystalline clearness in the grey calmtwilight.
"How beautiful!" thought he. "All is beautiful; man alone is vile!"
Far away he saw the little fire burning in the melon-field, and erelong by its light he recognized the faces of Kousma and Sanine.
"What does he always come here for?" thought Yourii, surprised andcurious.
Seated by the fire, Kousma was telling a story, laughing andgesticulating meanwhile. Sanine was laughing, too. The fire burned witha slender flame, as that of a taper, the light being rosy, not red asat night-time, while overhead, in the blue dome of heaven, the firststars glittered. There was an odour of fresh mould and rain-drenchedgrass.
For some reason or other Yourii felt afraid lest they should see him,yet at the same time it saddened him to think that he could not jointhem. Between himself and them there seemed to be a barrierincomprehensible and yet unreal; a space devoid of atmosphere, a gulfthat could never be bridged.
This sense of utter isolation depressed him greatly. He was alone; fromthis world with its vesper lights and hues, and fires, and stars, andhuman sounds, he stood aloof and apart, as though shut close within adark room. So distressful was this sense of solitude, that as hecrossed the melon-field where hundreds of melons were growing in thegloom, to him they seemed like human skulls that Jay strewn upon theground.