The sun shone as brightly as in spring, yet in the calm, clear air thetouch of autumn could be felt. Here and there the trees showed brownand yellow leaves in which the wistful voice of a bird occasionallybroke the silence, while large insects buzzed lazily above their ruinedkingdom of faded grasses and withered flowers where luxuriant weeds nowwaxed apace.
Yourii sauntered through the garden. Lost in his thoughts, he gazed atthe sky, at the green and yellow leaves, and the shining water, as ifhe were looking on them all for the last time, and must fix them in hismemory so as never to forget them. He felt vague sorrow at his heart,for it seemed as though with every moment something precious waspassing away from him that could never be recalled; his youth that hadbrought him no joy; his place as an active sharer in the great anduseful work upon which all his energies had once been concentrated. Yetwhy he should have thus lost ground he could not tell. He was firmlyconvinced that he possessed latent powers that should revolutionize theworld, and a mind far broader in its outlook than that of anyone else;but he could not explain why he had this conviction, and he would havebeen ashamed to admit the fact even to his most intimate friend.
"Ah! well," he thought, gazing at the red and yellow reflections of thefoliage in the stream, "perhaps what I do is the wisest and the best.Death ends it all, however one may have lived or tried to live. Oh!there comes Lialia," he murmured, as he saw his sister approaching."Happy Lialia! She lives like a butterfly, from day to day, wantingnothing, and troubled by nothing. Oh! if I could live as she does."
Yet this was only just a passing thought, for in reality he would on noaccount have wished to exchange his own spiritual tortures for thefeather-brain existence of a Lialia.
"Yourii! Yourii!" she exclaimed in a shrill voice though she was notmore than three paces distant from him. Laughing roguishly, she handedhim a little rose-coloured missive.
Yourii suspected something.
"From whom?" he asked, sharply,
"From Sinotschka Karsavina," said Lialia, shaking her finger at him,significantly.
Yourii blushed deeply. To receive through his sister a little pink,scented letter like this seemed utterly silly; in fact ridiculous. Itpositively annoyed him. Lialia, as she walked beside him, prattled insentimental fashion about his attachment to Sina, just as sisters will,who are intensely interested in their brothers' love-affairs. She saidhow fond she was of Sina, and how delighted she would be if they made amatch of it, and got married.
At the luckless word "married," Yourii's face grew redder still, and inhis eyes there was a malevolent look. He saw before him an entireromance of the usual provincial type; rose-pink billets-doux, sistersas confidantes, orthodox matrimony, with its inevitable commonplacesequel, home, wife, and babies--the one thing on earth that he dreadedmost.
"Oh! Enough of all that twaddle, please!" he said in so sharp a tonethat Lialia was amazed.
"Don't make such a fuss!" she exclaimed, pettishly. "If you are inlove, what does it matter? I can't think why you always pose as such anextraordinary hero."
This last sentence had a touch of feminine spite in it, and the shaftstruck home. Then, with a graceful movement of her dress whichdisclosed her dainty open-work stockings, she turned abruptly on herheel like some petulant princess, and went indoors.
Yourii watched her, with anger in his dark eyes, as he tore open theenvelope.
YOURII NICOLAIJEVITCH:
"If you have time, and the wish to do so, will you come to themonastery to-day? I shall be there with my aunt. She is preparing forthe Communion, and will be in church the whole time. It will bedreadfully dull for me and I want to talk to you about lots of things.Do come. Perhaps I ought not to have written to you, but, anyhow, Ishall expect you."
In a moment all that had occupied his thoughts vanished, as with athrill of pleasure almost physical he read and read the letter. Thispure, charming girl in one short phrase had thus in naive, trustingfashion revealed to him the secret of her love. It was as though shehad come to him, helpless and pained, unable to resist the love thatmade her give herself up to him, yet not knowing what might befall. Sonear to him now seemed the goal, that Yourii trembled at the thought ofpossession. He strove to smile ironically, but the effort failed. Hiswhole being was filled with joy, and such was his exhilaration that,like a bird, he felt ready to soar above the tree-tops, away, afar,into the blue, sunlit air.
Towards evening he hired a droschky and drove towards the monastery,smiling on the world timidly, almost in confusion. On reaching thelanding-stage he took a boat, and was rowed by a stalwart peasant tothe hill.
It was not until the boat got clear of the reeds into the broad, openstream that he became conscious that his happiness was entirely due tothe little rose-coloured letter.
"After all, it's simple enough," he said to himself, by way ofexplanation. "She has always lived in that sort of world. It's just aprovincial romance. Well, what if it is?"
The water rippled gently on each side of the boat that brought himnearer and nearer to the green hill. On reaching the shore, Yourii inhis excitement gave the boatman half a rouble and began to climb theslopes. Signs of approaching dusk were already perceptible. Longshadows lay at the foot of the hill, and heavy mists rose from theearth, hiding the yellow tint of the foliage, so that the forest lookedas green and dense as in summer. The court-yard of the monastery wassilent and solemn as the interior of a church. The grave, tall poplarslooked as if they were praying, and like shadows the dark forms ofmonks moved hither and thither. At the church-porch lamps glimmered,and in the air there was a faint odour either of incense or of fadedpoplar-leaves.
"Hullo, Svarogitsch!" shouted some one behind him.
Yourii turned round, and saw Schafroff, Sanine, Ivanoff and PeterIlitch, who came across the court-yard, talking loudly and merrily. Themonks glanced apprehensively in their direction and even the poplarsseemed to lose something of their devotional calm.
"We've all come here, too," said Schafroff, approaching Yourii whom herevered.
"So I see," muttered Yourii irritably.
"You'll join our party, won't you?" asked Schafroff as he came nearer.
"No, thank you, I am engaged," said Yourii, with some impatience.
"Oh! that's all right! You'll come along with us, I know," exclaimedIvanoff, as he good-humouredly caught hold of his arm. Youriiendeavoured to free himself, and for a while a droll struggle tookplace.
"No, no, damn it all, I can't!" cried Yourii, almost angry now."Perhaps I'll join you later." Such rough pleasantry on Ivanoff's partwas not at all to his liking.
"All right," said Ivanoff, as he released him, not noticing hisirritation. "We will wait for you, so mind you come."
"Very well."
Thus, laughing and gesticulating, they departed. The court-yard becamesilent and solemn as before. Yourii took off his cap, and in a moodhalf-mocking, half shy, he entered the church. He at once perceivedSina, close to one of the dark pillars. In her grey jacket and roundstraw-hat she looked like a school-girl. His heart beat faster. Sheseemed so sweet, so charming, with her black hair in a neat coil at theback of her pretty white neck. It was this air de pensioner whilebeing a tall, well-grown, shapely young woman, that to him was sointensely alluring. Conscious of his gaze, she looked round, and in herdark eyes there was an expression of shy pleasure.
"How do you do?" said Yourii, speaking in a low voice that yet was notlow enough. He was not sure if he ought to shake hands in a church.Several members of the congregation looked round, and their swart,parchment-like faces made him feel more uncomfortable. He actuallyblushed, but Sina, seeing his confusion, smiled at him, as a mothermight, with love in her eyes, and Yourii stood there, blissful andobedient.
Sina gave no further glances, but kept crossing herself with greatzeal. Yet Yourii knew that she was only thinking of him, and it wasthis consciousness that established a secret bond between them. Theblood throbbed in his veins, and all seemed full of mystery and wonder.The dark interior of the church, the chanting, the dim lights, thesighs of worshippers, the echoing of feet of those who entered or wentout--of all this Yourii took careful note, as in such solemn silence hecould plainly hear the beating of his heart. He stood there,motionless, his eyes fixed on Sina's white neck and graceful figure,feeling a joy that bordered on emotion. He wanted to show every onethat, although faith he had none in prayers, or chants, or lights, heyet was not opposed to them. This led him to contrast his present happyframe of mind with the distressful thoughts of the morning.
"So that one really can be happy, eh?" he asked himself, answering thequestion at once. "Of course one can. All my thoughts regarding deathand the aimlessness of life are correct and logical, yet in spite of itall, a man can sometimes be happy. If I am happy, it is all due to thisbeautiful creature that only a short time ago I had never seen."
Suddenly the droll thought came to him that, long ago, as littlechildren, perhaps they had met and parted, never dreaming that some daythey would fall violently in love with each other, and that she wouldgive herself to him in all her ripe, radiant nudity. It was this lastthought that brought a flush to his cheeks and for a while he feltafraid to look at her. Meanwhile she who his wanton fancy had thusunclothed stood there in front of him, pure and sweet, in her littlegrey jacket and round hat, praying silently that his love for her mightbe as tender and deep as her own. In some way her virginal modesty musthave influenced Yourii, for the lustful thoughts vanished, and tears ofemotion filled his eyes. Looking upwards, he saw the gleaming goldabove the altar, and the sacred cross round which the yellow tapersshone, and with a fervour long since forgotten he mentally ejaculated:
"O God, if thou dost exist, let this maiden love me, and let my lovefor her be always as great as at this moment."
He felt slightly ashamed at his own emotion, and sought to dismiss itwith a smile.
"It's all nonsense, after all," he thought.
"Come," said Sina in a whisper that sounded like a sigh.
Solemnly, as if in their souls they bore away with them all thechanting, and the prayers, the sighs and mystic lights, they went outacross the court-yard, side by side, and passed through the little doorleading to the mountain-slope. Here there was no living soul. The highwhite wall and time-worn turrets seemed to shut them out from the worldof men. At their feet lay the oak forest; far below shone the riverlike a mirror of silver, while in the distance fields and meadows weremerged in the dim horizon-line.
In silence they advanced to the edge of the slope, aware that theyought to do something, to say something, yet feeling all the while thatthey had not sufficient courage. Then Sina raised her head, when,unexpectedly yet quite simply and naturally, her lips met Yourii's. Shetrembled and grew pale as he gently embraced her, and for the firsttime felt her warm, supple body in his arms. A bell chimed in thatsilence. To Yourii it seemed to celebrate the moment in which each hadfound the other. Sina, laughing, broke away from him and ran back.
"Auntie will wonder what has become of me! Wait here, and I'll be backsoon."
Afterwards Yourii could never remember if she had said this to him in aloud, clear voice that echoed through the woodland, or if the words hadfloated to him like a soft whisper on the evening breeze. He sat downon the grass and smoothed his hair with his hand.
"How silly, and yet how delightful it all is!" he thought, smiling. Inthe distance he heard Sina's voice.
"I'm coming, auntie, I'm coming."