I am old and love my ease and sometimes dare to think that I have earnedit. Why do I impose upon myself the task of writing down these memories,searching them and many notes and records with great care so that inevery voice and deed the time shall speak? My first care has been thatneither vanity nor pride should mar a word of all these I have writtenor shall write. So I keep my name from you, dear reader, for there isnothing you can give me that I want. I have learned my lesson in thatdistant time and, having learned it, give you the things I stand for andkeep myself under a mask. These things urge me to my task. I do it thatI may give to you--my countrymen--the best fruitage of the great gardenof my youth and save it from the cold storage of unknowing history.
It is a bad thing to be under a heavy obligation to one's self of which,thank God, I am now acquitted. I have known men who were their own worstcreditors. Everything they earned went swiftly to satisfy the demandsof Vanity or Pride or Appetite. I have seen them literally put out ofhouse and home, thrown neck and crop into the street, as it were, by oneor the other of these heartless creditors--each a grasping usurer withunjust claims.
I remember that Rodney Barnes called for my chest and me that finemorning in early June when I was to go back to the hills, my year's workin school being ended. I elected to walk, and the schoolmaster went withme five miles or more across the flats to the slope of the high country.I felt very wise with that year's learning in my head. Doubtless thebest of it had come not in school. It had taken me close to the greatstage and in a way lifted the curtain. I was most attentive, knowingthat presently I should get my part.
"I've been thinking, Bart, o' your work in the last year," said theschoolmaster as we walked. "Ye have studied six books and one--God helpye! An' I think ye have got more out o' the one than ye have out o' thesix."
In a moment of silence that followed I counted the books on my fingers:Latin, Arithmetic, Algebra, Grammar, Geography, History. What was thisone book he referred to?
"It's God's book o' life, boy, an' I should say ye'd done very well init."
After a little he asked: "Have ye ever heard of a man who had theGrimshaws?"
I shook my head as I looked at him, not knowing just what he was drivingat.
"Sure, it's a serious illness an' it has two phases. First there's theGrimshaw o' greed--swinish, heartless greed--the other is the Grimshawo' vanity--the strutter, with sword at belt, who would have men bow orflee before him."
That is all he said of that seventh book and it was enough.
"Soon the Senator will be coming," he remarked presently. "I have a longletter from him and he asks about you and your aunt and uncle. I thinkthat he is fond o' you, boy."
"I wish you would let me know when he comes," I said.
"I am sure he will let you know, and, by the way, I have heard fromanother friend o' yours, my lad. Ye're a lucky one to have so manyfriends--sure ye are. Here, I'll show ye the letter. There's no reasonwhy I shouldn't. Ye will know its writer, probably. I do not."
So saying he handed me this letter:
"CANTERBURY, VT.,
June 1."DEAR SIR--I am interested in the boy Barton Baynes. Good words about him have been flying around like pigeons. When school is out I would like to hear from you, what is the record? What do you think of the soul in him? What kind of work is best for it? If you will let me maybe I can help the plans of God a little. That is my business and yours. Thanking you for reading this, I am, as ever,
"God's humble servant,
KATE FULLERTON."
"Why, this is the writing of the Silent Woman," I said before I had readthe letter half through.
"Rovin' Kate?"
"Roving Kate; I never knew her other name, but I saw her handwritinglong ago."
"But look--this is a neatly written, well-worded letter an' the sheet isas white and clean as the new snow. Uncanny woman! They say she carriesthe power o' God in her right hand. So do all the wronged. I tell ye,lad, there's only one thing in the world that's sacred."
I turned to him with a look of inquiry and asked:
"What is it?"
"The one and only miracle we know-the gate o' birth through which comeshuman life and the lips commanding our love and speaking the wisdom ofchildhood. Show me how a man treats women an' I'll tell ye what heamounts to. There's the test that shows whether he's a man or a spanieldog."
There was a little moment of silence then--how well I remember it! Theschoolmaster broke the silence by adding:
"Well ye know, lad, I think the greatest thing that Jesus Christ did wasshowing to a wicked world the sanctity o' motherhood."
That, I think, was the last lesson in the school year. Just beyond us Icould see the slant of Bowman's Hill. What an amount of pains they gavethose days to the building of character! It will seem curious andperhaps even wearisome now, but it must show here if I am to hold themirror up to the time.
"I wonder why Kate is asking about me," I said.
"Never mind the reason. She is your friend and let us thank God for it.Think how she came to yer help in the old barn an' say a thousandprayers, my lad. I shall write to her to-day, and what shall I say as tothe work?"
"Well, I've been consulting the compass," I answered thoughtfully, as Ilooked down at the yielding sand under my feet. "I think that I want tobe a lawyer."
"Good! I would have guessed it. I suppose your week in the court roomwith the fine old judge and the lawyers settled that for ye."
"I think that it did."
"Well, the Senator is a lawyer, God prosper him, an' he has shown usthat the chief business o' the lawyer is to keep men out o' the law."
Having come to the first flight of the uplands, he left me with many akind word--how much they mean to a boy who is choosing his way with agrowing sense of loneliness!
I reached the warm welcome of our little home just in time for dinner.They were expecting me and it was a regular company dinner--chicken pieand strawberry shortcake.
"I wallered in the grass all the forenoon tryin' to git enough berriesfor this celebration--ayes!--they ain't many of 'em turned yit," saidAunt Deel. "No, sir--nothin' but pure cream on this cake. I ain't agoin' to count the expense."
Uncle Peabody danced around the table and sang a stanza of the oldballad, which I have forgotten, but which begins:
Come, Philander, let us be a-marchin'.
How well I remember that hour with the doors open and the sun shiningbrightly on the blossoming fields and the joy of man and bird and beastin the return of summer and the talk about the late visit of Alma Jonesand Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln!
While we were eating I told them about the letter of old Kate.
"Fullerton!" Aunt Deel exclaimed. "Are ye sure that was the name, Bart?"
"Yes."
"Goodness gracious sakes alive!"
She and Uncle Peabody gave each other looks of surprised inquiry.
"Do you know anybody by that name?" I asked.
"We used to," said Aunt Deel as she resumed her eating. "Can't be she'sone o' the Sam Fullertons, can it?"
"Oh, prob'ly not," said Uncle Peabody. "Back east they's more Fullertonsthan ye could shake a stick at. Say, I see the biggest bear this mornin'that I ever see in all the born days o' my life.
"It was dark. I'd come out o' the fifty-mile woods an' down along theedge o' the ma'sh an' up into the bushes on the lower side o' thepastur. All to once I heerd somethin'! I stopped an' peeked through thebushes--couldn't see much--so dark. Then the ol' bear riz up on her hindlegs clus to me. We didn't like the looks o' one 'nother an' begun toedge off very careful.
"Seems so I kind o' said to the ol' bear: 'Excuse me.'
"Seems so the ol' bear kind o' answered: 'Sart'nly.'
"I got down to a little run, near by, steppin' as soft as a cat. I couldjust see a white stun on the side o' it. I lifted my foot to step onthe stun an' jump acrost. B-r-r-r-r! The stun jumped up an' scamperedthrough the bushes. Then I was scairt. Goshtalmighty! I lostconfidence in everything. Seemed so all the bushes turned into bears.Jeerusalem, how I run! When I got to the barn I was purty nigh used up."
"How did it happen that the stone jumped?" I asked.
"Oh, I guess 't was a rabbit," said Uncle Peabody.
Thus Uncle Peabody led us off into the trail of the bear and the problemof Kate and the Sam Fullertons concerned us no more at that time.
A week later we had our raising. Uncle Peabody did not want a publicraising, but Aunt Deel had had her way. We had hewed and mortised andbored the timbers for our new home. The neighbors came with pikes andhelped to raise and stay and cover them. A great amount of humankindness went into the beams and rafters of that home and of others likeit. I knew that The Thing was still alive in the neighborhood, but eventhat could not paralyze the helpful hands of those people. Indeed, whatwas said of my Uncle Peabody was nothing more or less than a kind ofconversational firewood. I can not think that any one really believedit.
We had a cheerful day. A barrel of hard cider had been set up in thedooryard, and I remember that some drank it too freely. The he-o-hee ofthe men as they lifted on the pikes and the sound of the hammer andbeetle rang in the air from morning until night. Mrs. Rodney Barnes andMrs. Dorothy came to help Aunt Deel with the cooking and a great dinnerwas served on an improvised table in the dooryard, where the stove wasset up. The shingles and sheathes and clapboards were on before the dayended.
When they were about to go the men filled their cups and drank to AuntDeel.
I knew, or thought I knew, why they had not mentioned my Uncle Peabody,and was very thoughtful about it. Suddenly the giant Rodney Barnesstrode up to the barrel. I remember the lion-like dignity of his face ashe turned and said:
"Now, boys, come up here an' stand right before me, every one o' you."
He ranged them in a circle around the barrel. He stood at the spigot andfilled every cup. Then he raised his own and said:
"I want ye to drink to Peabody Baynes--one o' the squarest men that everstood in cowhide."
They drank the toast--not one of them would have dared refuse.
"Now three cheers for the new home and every one that lives in it," hedemanded.
They cheered lustily and went away.
Uncle Peabody and I put in the floors and stairway and partitions. Morethan once in the days we were working together I tried to tell him whatSally had told me, but my courage failed.
We moved our furniture. I remember that Uncle Peabody called it "thehouseltree." We had greased paper on the windows for a time after wemoved until the sash came. Aunt Deel had made rag carpets for the parlorand the bedroom which opened off it. Our windows looked down into thegreat valley of the St. Lawrence, stretching northward thirty miles ormore from our hilltop. A beautiful grove of sugar maples stood within astone's throw of the back door.
What a rustic charm in the long slant of the green hill below us withits gray, mossy boulders and lovely thorn trees! It was, I think, abrighter, pleasanter home than that we had left. It was built on thecellar of one burned a few years before. The old barn was still thereand a little repairing had made it do.
The day came, shortly, when I had to speak out, and I took the straightway of my duty as the needle of the compass pointed. It was the end of asummer day and we had watched the dusk fill the valley and come creepingup the slant, sinking the boulders and thorn tops in its flood, one byone. As we sat looking out of the open door that evening I told themwhat Sally had told me of the evil report which had traveled throughthe two towns. Uncle Peabody sat silent and perfectly motionless for amoment, looking out into the dusk.
"W'y, of all things! Ain't that an awful burnin' shame-ayes!" said AuntDeel as she covered her face with her hand.
"Damn, little souled, narrer contracted--" Uncle Peabody, speaking in alow, sad tone, but with deep feeling, cut off this highly promisingopinion before it was half expressed, and rose and went to the waterpail and drank.
"As long as we're honest we don't care what they say," he remarked as hereturned to his chair.
"If they won't believe us we ought to show 'em the papers--ayes," saidAunt Deel.
"Thunder an' Jehu! I wouldn't go 'round the town tryin' to prove that Iain't a thief," said Uncle Peabody. "It wouldn't make no differ'nce.They've got to have somethin' to play with. If they want to use my namefor a bean bag let 'em as long as they do it when I ain't lookin'. Iwouldn't wonder if they got sore hands by an' by."
I never heard him speak of it again. Indeed, although I knew the topicwas often in our thoughts it was never mentioned in our home but onceafter that, to my knowledge.
We sat for a long time thinking as the night came on. By and by UnclePeabody began the hymn in which we joined:
"Oh, keep my heart from sadness, God; Let not its sorrows stay, Nor shadows of the night erase The glories of the day."
"Say--by thunder!--we don't have to set in the shadows. Le's fill theroom with the glory of the day," said Uncle Peabody as he lighted thecandles. "It ain't a good idee to go slidin' down hill in thesummer-time an' in the dark, too. Le's have a game o' cards."
I remember that we had three merry games and went to bed. All outwardsigns of our trouble had vanished in the glow of the candles.
Next day I rode to the post-office and found there a book addressed tome in the handwriting of old Kate. It was David Hoffman's Course ofLegal Study. She had written on its fly-leaf:
"To Barton Baynes, from a friend."
"That woman 'pears to like you purty thorough," said Uncle Peabody.
"Well, let her if she wants to--poor thing!" Aunt Deel answered. "Awoman has got to have somebody to like--ayes!--or I dunno how she'dlive--I declare I don't--ayes!"
"I like her, too," I said. "She's been a good friend to me."
"She has, sart'n," my uncle agreed.
We began reading the book that evening in the candle-light and soonfinished it. I was thrilled by the ideal of human service with which thecalling of the lawyer was therein lifted up and illuminated. After thatI had no doubt of my way.
That week a letter came to me from the Senator, announcing the day ofMrs. Wright's arrival in Canton and asking me to meet and assist her ingetting the house to rights. I did so. She was a pleasant-faced, amiablewoman and a most enterprising house cleaner. I remember that my firsttask was mending the wheelbarrow.
"I don't know what Silas would do if he were to get home and find hiswheelbarrow broken," said she. "It is almost an inseparable companion ofhis."
The schoolmaster and his family were fishing and camping upon the river,and so I lived at the Senator's house with Mrs. Wright and her motheruntil he arrived. What a wonderful house it was, in my view! I was awedby its size and splendor, its soft carpets and shiny brass and mahogany.Yet it was very simple.
I hoed the garden and cleaned its paths and mowed the dooryard and didsome painting in the house. I remember that Mrs. Ebenezer Binks--wifeof the deacon and the constable--came in while I was at the latter taskearly one morning to see if there were anything she could do.
She immediately sat down and talked constantly until noon of her familyand especially of the heartlessness and general misconduct of her sonand daughter-in-law because they had refused to let her apply the nameof Divine Submission to the baby. It had been a hard blow to Mrs. Binks,because this was the one and only favor which she had ever asked ofthem. She reviewed the history of the Binkses from Ebenezer--theFirst--down to that present day. There had been three Divine Submissionsin the family and they had made the name of Binks known wherever peopleknew anything. When Mrs. Wright left the room Mrs. Binks directed herconversation at me, and when Mrs. Wright returned I only got the sprayof it. By dinner time we were drenched in a way of speaking and Mrs.Binks left, assuring us that she would return later and do anything inher power.
"My stars!" Mrs. Wright exclaimed. "If you see her coming lock the doorand go and hide in a closet until she goes away. Mrs. Binks alwaysbrings her ancestors with her and they fill the house so that there's noroom for anybody else."
When the day's work was ended Mrs. Wright exclaimed:
"Thank goodness! the Binkses have not returned."
We always referred to Mrs. Binks as the Binkses after that.
Mrs. Jenison, a friend of the Wrights, came in that afternoon and toldus of the visit of young Latour to Canton and of the great relief of thedecent people at his speedy departure.
"I wonder what brought him here," said Mrs. Wright.
"It seems that he had heard of the beauty of Sally Dunkelberg. But a beehad stung her nose just before he came and she was a sight to behold."
The ladies laughed.
"It's lucky," said Mrs. Wright. "Doesn't Horace Dunkelberg know abouthim?"
"I suppose he does, but the man is money crazy."
I couldn't help hearing it, for I was working in the room in which theytalked. Well, really, it doesn't matter much now. They are all gone.
"Who is young Latour?" I asked when Mrs. Jenison had left us.
"A rake and dissolute young man whose father is very rich and lives in agreat mansion over in Jefferson County," Mrs. Wright answered.
I wondered then if there had been a purpose in that drop of honey fromthe cup of the Silent Woman.
I remember that the Senator, who returned to Canton that evening on theWatertown stage, laughed heartily when, as we were sitting by thefireside, Mrs. Wright told of the call of the Binkses.
"The good lady enjoys a singular plurality," he remarked.
"She enjoys it better than we do," said Mrs. Wright.
The Senator had greeted me with a fatherly warmth. Again I felt thatstrong appeal to my eye in his broadcloth and fine linen and beaver hatand in the splendid dignity and courtesy of his manners.
"I've had good reports of you, Bart, and I'm very glad to see you," hesaid.
"I believe your own marks have been excellent in the last year," Iventured.
"Poorer than I could wish. The teacher has been very kind to me," helaughed. "What have you been studying?"
"Latin (I always mentioned the Latin first), Algebra, Arithmetic,Grammar, Geography and History."
"Including the history of the Binkses," he laughed.
There was never a note of humor in his speeches, but he was playful inhis talk at times, especially when trusted friends were with him.
"She is a very excellent woman, after all," he added.
He asked about my aunt and uncle and I told him of all that had befallenus, save the one thing of which I had spoken only with them and Sally.
"I shall go up to see them soon," he said.
The people of the little village had learned that he preferred to be letalone when he had just returned over the long, wearisome way from thescene of his labors. So we had the evening to ourselves.
I remember my keen interest in his account of riding from Albany toUtica on the new railroads. He spoke with enthusiasm of the smoothnessand swiftness of the journey.
"With no mishap they now make it in about a half a day," he said, as welistened with wonder. "It is like riding in a house with a good deal ofsmoke coming out of the chimney and in at the windows. You sit on acomfortable bench with a back and a foot-rest in front and look out ofthe window and ride. But I tremble sometimes to think of what mighthappen with all that weight and speed.
"We had a little mishap after leaving Ballston Spa. The locomotiveengine broke down and the train stopped. The passengers poured out likebees. We put our hands and shoulders on the train and pushed itbackwards about a third of a mile to a passing station. There theengine got out of our way and after an hour's wait a horse was hitchedto the train. With the help of the men he started it. At the next townour horse was reinforced by two others. They hauled us to the enginestation four miles beyond, where another locomotive engine was attachedto the train, and we went on by steam and at a fearful rate of speed."
Mrs. Wright, being weary after the day's work, went to bed early and, athis request, I sat with the Senator by the fire for an hour or so. Ihave always thought it a lucky circumstance, for he asked me to tell ofmy plans and gave me advice and encouragement which have had a markedeffect upon my career.
I remember telling him that I wished to be a lawyer and my reasons forit. He told me that a lawyer was either a pest or a servant of justiceand that his chief aim should be the promotion of peace and good will inhis community. He promised to try and arrange for my accommodation inhis office in the autumn and meanwhile to lend me some books to readwhile I was at home.
"Before we go to bed let us have a settlement," said the Senator. "Willyou kindly sit down at the table there and make up a statement of allthe time you have given me?"
I made out the statement very neatly and carefully and put it in hishands.
"That is well done," said he. "I shall wish you to stay until the dayafter to-morrow, if you will. So you will please add another day."
I amended the statement and he paid me the handsome sum of sevendollars. I remember that after I went to my room that night I stitchedup the opening in my jacket pocket, which contained my wealth, with theneedle and thread which Aunt Deel had put in my bundle, and slept withthe jacket under my mattress.
The Senator and I were up at five o'clock and at work in the garden.What a contrast to see him spading in his old farm suit! Mrs. Wrightcooked our breakfast and called us in at six.
I remember we were fixing the fence around his pasture lot that day whena handsomely dressed gentleman came back in the field. Mr. Wright waschopping at a small spruce.
"Is Senator Wright here?" the stranger inquired of me.
I pointed to the chopper.
"I beg your pardon--I am looking for the distinguished United StatesSenator," he explained with a smile.
Again I pointed at the man with the ax and said:
"That is the Senator."
Often I have thought of the look of astonishment on the face of thestranger as he said: "Will you have the kindness to tell him thatGeneral Macomb would like to speak with him?"
I halted his ax and conveyed the message.
"Is this the hero of Plattsburg?" Mr. Wright asked.
"Well, I have been there," said the General.
They shook hands and went up to the house together.
I walked back to the hills that evening. There I found a letter fromSally. She and her mother, who was in ill health, were spending thesummer with relatives at Portsmouth, New Hampshire. She wrote of ridingand fishing and sailing, but of all that she wrote I think only of thesewords now:
"I meet many good-looking boys here, but none of them are like you. I wonder if you remember what you said to me that day. If you want to unsay it, you can do it by letter, you know. I think that would be the best way to do it. So don't be afraid of hurting my feelings. Perhaps I would be glad. You don't know. What a long day that was! It seems as if it wasn't over yet. How lucky for me that it was such a beautiful day! You know I have forgotten all about the pain, but I laugh when I think how I looked and how Mr. Latour looked. He laughed a good deal going home, as if thinking of some wonderful joke. In September I am going away to a young ladies' school in Albany. I hate it. Can you imagine why? I am to learn fine manners and French and Spanish and dancing and be good enough for any man's wife. Think of that. Father says that I must marry a big man. Jiminy Crimps! As if a big man wouldn't know better. I am often afraid that you will know too much. I know what will happen when your intellect sees how foolish I am. My grandmother says that I am frivolous and far from God. I am afraid it's true, but sometimes I want to be good--only sometimes. I remember you said, once, that you were going to be like Silas Wright. Honestly I believe that you could. So does mother. I want you to keep trying, but it makes me afraid. Oh, dear! How sad and homesick I feel to-day! Tell me the truth now, when you write."
That evening I wrote my first love-letter--a fairly warm and movingfragment of history. My family have urged me to let it go in the record,but I have firmly refused. There are some things which I can not do evenin this little masquerade. It is enough to say that when the day ended Ihad deliberately chosen two of the many ways that lay before me.