AN INN--DEBTS PAID IN ADVANCE, AND A SINGULAR TOUCH OF HUMAN NATURE
FOUND CLOSELY INCORPORATED WITH MONIKIN NATURE,
We soon secured rooms, ordered dinner, brushed our clothes, and made
the other little arrangements that it was necessary to observe for
the credit of the species. Everything being ready, we left the inn,
and hurried towards the "Palais des Arts et des Sciences." We had
not got out of sight of the inn, however, before one of its garcons
was at our heels with a message from his mistress. He told us, in
very respectful tones, that his master was out, and that he had
taken with him the key of the strong-box; that there was not
actually money enough in the drawer to furnish an entertainment for
such great persons as ourselves, and she had taken the liberty to
send us a bill receipted, with a request that we would make a small
advance, rather than reduce her to the mortification of treating
such distinguished guests in an unworthy manner. The bill read as
follows:--
No. 1 parti-color and friends,
To No. 82,763 grape-color. Dr.
To use of apartments, with meals and lights, as per
agreement, p.p. 300 per diem--one day, p.p. 300
By cash advanced, 50
----
Balance due, p.p. 250
"This seems all right," I observed to Noah; but I am, at this
moment, as penniless as the good woman herself. I really do not see
what we are to do, unless Bob sends her back his store of nuts--"
"Harkee, my nimble-go-hop," put in the seaman, "what is your
pleasure?"
The waiter referred to the bill, as expressing his mistress's wants.
"What are these p. p. that I find noted in the bill--play or pay,
hey?"
"Promises, of course, your honor."
"Oh! then you desire fifty promises, to provide our dinner."
"Nothing more, sir. With that sum you shall dine like noblemen--ay,
sir, like aldermen."
I was delighted to find that this worthy class of beings have the
same propensities in all countries.
"Here, take a hundred," answered Noah, snapping his fingers, "and
make no bones of it. And harkee, my worthy--lay out every farthing
of them in the fare. Let there be good cheer, and no one will
grumble at the bill. I am ready to buy the inn, and all it holds, at
need."
The waiter departed well satisfied with these assurances, and
apparently in the anticipation of good vails for his own trouble.
We soon got into the current that was setting towards our place of
destination. On reaching the gate, we found that we were anxiously
expected; for there was an attendant in waiting, who instantly
conducted us to the seats that were provided for our special
reception. It is always agreeable to be among the privileged, and I
must own that we were all not a little flattered, on finding that an
elevated tribune had been prepared for us, in the centre of the
rotunda in which the academy held its sittings, so that we could
see, and be seen by, every individual of the crowded assembly. The
whole crew, even to the negro cook, had preceded us; an additional
compliment, that I did not fail to acknowledge by suitable
salutations to all the members present. After the first feelings of
pleasure and surprise were a little abated, I had leisure to look
about me and to survey the company.
The academicians occupied the whole of the body of the rotunda, the
space taken up by the erection of our temporary tribune alone
excepted, while there were sofas, chairs, tribunes, and benches
arranged for the spectators, in the outer circles, and along the
side-walls of the hall. As the edifice itself was very large, and
mind had so essentially reduced matter in the monikin species, there
could not have been less than fifty thousand tails present. Just
before the ceremonies commenced, Dr. Reasono approached our
tribbune, passing from one to another of the party, saying a
pleasant and encouraging word to each, in a way to create high
expectations in us all as to what was to follow. We were so very
evidently honored and distinguished, that I struggled hard to subdue
any unworthy feeling of pride, as unbecoming human meekness, and in
order to maintain a philosophical equanimity under the
manifestations of respect and gratitude that I knew were about to be
lavished upon even the meanest of our party. The Doctor was yet in
the midst of his pointed attentions, when the king's eldest first
cousin of the masculine gender entered, and the business of the
meeting immediately began. I profited by a short pause, however, to
say a few words to my companions. I told them that there would soon
be a serious demand on their modesty. We had performed a great and
generous exploit, and it did not become us to lessen its merit by
betraying a vainglorious self-esteem. I implored them all to take
pattern by me; promising, in the end, that their new friends would
trebly prize their hardihood, self-denial, and skill.
There was a new member of the academy of Latent Sympathies to be
received and installed. A long discourse was read by one of this
department of the monikin learning, which pointed out and enlarged
on the rare merits of the new academician. He was followed by the
latter; who in a very elaborate production, that consumed just
fifty-five minutes in the reading, tried all he could to persuade
the audience that the defunct was a loss to the world, that no
accident or application would ever repair, and that he himself was
precisely the worst person who could have been selected to be his
successor. I was a little surprised at the perfect coolness with
which the learned body listened to a reproach that was so very
distinctly and perseveringly thrown, as it were, into their very
teeth. But a more intimate acquaintance with monikin society
satisfied me, that any one might say just what he pleased, so long
as he allowed that every one else was an excellent fellow, and he
himself the poorest devil going. When the new member had
triumphantly established his position, and just as I thought the
colleagues were bound, in common honesty, to reconsider their vote,
he concluded, and took his seat among them with quite as much
assurance as the best philosopher of them all.
After a short pause, and an abundance of felicitations on his
excellent and self-abasing discourse, the newly admitted member
again rose, and began to read an essay on some discoveries he had
made in the science of Latent Sympathies. According to his account
of the matter, every monikin possessed a fluid which was invisible,
like the animalcula which pervade nature, and which required only to
be brought into command, and to be reduced into more rigid laws, to
become the substitute for the senses of sight, touch, taste,
hearing, and smelling. This fluid was communicable; and had already
been so far rendered subject to the will, as to make it of service
in seeing in the dark, in smelling when the operator had a bad cold,
in tasting when the palate was down, and in touching by proxy. Ideas
had been transmitted, through its agency, sixty-two leagues in one
minute and a half. Two monikins, who were afflicted with diseased
tails, had during the last two years, been insulated and saturated,
and had then lost those embellishments, by operations; a quantity of
the fluid having been substituted in their places so happily, that
the patients fancied themselves more than ever conspicuous for the
length and finesse of their caudce. An experiment had also been
successfully tried on a member of the lower house of parliament,
who, being married to a monikina of unusual mind, had for a long
time been supplied with ideas from this source, although his partner
was compelled to remain at home, in order to superintend the
management of their estate, forty-two miles from town, during the
whole session. He particularly recommended to government the
promotion of this science, as it might be useful in obtaining
evidence for the purposes of justice, in detecting conspiracies, in
collecting the taxes, and selecting candidates for trusts of a
responsible nature. The suggestion was well received by the king's
cousin, more especially those parts that alluded to sedition and the
revenue.
This essay was also perfectly well received by the savans, for I
afterwards found very little came amiss to the academy; and the
members named a committee forthwith, to examine into "the facts
concerning invisible and unknown fluids, their agency, importance,
and relations to monikin happiness."
We were next favored with a discussion on the different
significations of the word gorstchwzyb; which, rendered into
English, means "eh!" The celebrated philologist who treated the
subject, discovered amazing ingenuity in expatiating on its
ramifications and deductions. First he tried the letters by
transpositions, by which he triumphantly proved that it was derived
from all the languages of the ancients; the same process showed that
it possessed four thousand and two different significations; he next
reasoned most ably and comprehensively for ten minutes, backwards
and forwards, using no other word but this, applied in its various
senses; after which, he incontrovertibly established that this
important part of speech was so useful as to be useless, and he
concluded by a proposition, in which the academy coincided by
acclamation, that it should be forever and incontinently expunged
from the Leaphigh vocabulary. As the vote was carried by
acclamation, the king's cousin arose, and declared that the writer
who should so far offend against good taste, as hereafter to make
use of the condemned word, should have two inches cut off the
extremity of his tail. A shudder among the ladies, who, I afterwards
ascertained, loved to carry their caudae as high as our women like
to carry their heads, proved the severity of the decree.
An experienced and seemingly much respected member now arose to make
the following proposal. He said it was known that the monikin
species were fast approaching perfection; that the increase of mind
and the decrease of matter were so very apparent as to admit of no
denial; that, in his own case, he found his physical powers diminish
daily, while his mental acquired new distinctness and force; that he
could no longer see without spectacles, hear without a tube, or
taste without high seasoning; from all this he inferred that they
were drawing near to some important change, and he wished that
portion of the science of Latent Sympathies which was connected with
the unknown fluid just treated on, might be referred to a committee
on the whole, in order to make some provision for the wants of a
time when monikins should finally lose their senses. There was
nothing to say against a proposition so plausible, and it was
accepted nemine contradicente, with the exception of a few in the
minority.
There was now a good deal of whispering, much wagging of tails, and
other indications that the real business of the meeting was about to
be touched upon. All eyes were turned on Dr. Reasono, who, after a
suitable pause, entered a tribune prepared for solemn occasions, and
began his discourse.
The philosopher, who, having committed his essay to memory, spoke
extempore, commenced with a beautiful and most eloquent apostrophe
to learning, and to the enthusiasm which glows in the breasts of all
her real votaries, rendering them alike indifferent to their
personal ease, their temporal interests, danger, suffering, and
tribulations of the spirit. After this exordium, which was
pronounced to be unique for its simplicity and truth, he entered at
once on the history of his own recent adventures.
First alluding to the admirable character of that Leaphigh usage
which prescribes the Journey of Trial, our philosopher spoke of the
manner in which he had been selected to accompany my lord Chatterino
on an occasion so important to his future hopes. He dwelt on the
physical preparations, the previous study, and the moral machinery
that he had employed with his pupil, before they quitted town; all
of which, there is reason to think, were well fitted to their
objects, as he was constantly interrupted by murmurs of applause.
After some time spent in dilating on these points, I had, at length,
the satisfaction to find him, Mrs. Lynx, and their two wards, fairly
setting out on a journey which, as he very justly mentioned, proved
"to be pregnant with events of so much importance to knowledge in
general, to the happiness of the species, and to several highly
interesting branches of monikin science, in particular." I say the
satisfaction, for, to own the truth, I was eager to witness the
effect that would be made on the monikin sensibilities, when he came
to speak of my own discernment in detecting their real characters
beneath the contumely and disgrace in which it had been my good
fortune to find them, the promptitude with which I had stepped
forward to their relief, and the liberality and courage with which I
had furnished the means and encountered the risks that were
necessary to restore them to their native land. The anticipation of
this human triumph could not but diffuse a general satisfaction in
our own tribune--even the common mariners, as they recalled the
dangers through which they had passed, feeling a consciousness of
deserving, mingled with that soothing sentiment which is ever the
companion of a merited reward. As the philosopher drew nearer to the
time when it would be necessary to speak of us, I threw a look of
triumph at Lord Chatterino, which, however, failed of its intended
effect--the young peer continuing to whisper to his noble companions
with just is much self-importance and coolness as if he had not been
one of the rescued captives.
Dr. Reasono was justly celebrated, among his colleagues, for
ingenuity and eloquence. The excellent morals that he threw into
every possible opening of his subject, the beauty of the figures
with which they were illustrated, and the masculine tendencies of
his argument, gave general delight to the audience. The Journey of
Trial was made to appear, what it had been intended to be by the
fathers and sages of the Leaphigh institutions, a probation replete
with admonitions and instruction. The aged and experienced, who had
grown callous by time, could not conceal their exultation; the
mature and suffering looked grave and full of meditation; while the
young and sanguine fairly trembled, and for once, doubted. But, as
the philosopher led his party from precipice to precipice in safety,
as rocks were scaled and seductive valleys avoided, a common feeling
of security began to extend itself among the audience; and we all
followed him in his last experiment among the ice, with that sort of
blind confidence which the soldier comes, in time, to entertain in
the orders of a tried and victorious general.
The Doctor was graphic in his account of the manner in which he and
his wards plunged among these new trials. The lovely Chatterissa
(for all his travelling companions were present) bent aside her head
and blushed, as the philosopher alluded to the manner in which the
pure flame that glowed in her gentle bosom resisted the chill
influence of that cold region; and when he recited an ardent
declaration that my lord Chatterino had made on the centre of a
floe, and the kind and amorous answer of his mistress, I thought the
applause of the old academicians would have actually brought the
vaulted dome clattering about our ears.
At length he reached the point in the narrative where the amiable
wanderers fell in with the sealers, on that unknown island to which
chance and an adverse fortune had unhappily led them, in their
pilgrimage. I had taken measures secretly to instruct Mr. Poke and
the rest of my companions, as to the manner in which it became us to
demean ourselves, while the Doctor was acquainting the academy with
that first outrage committed by human cupidity, or the seizure of
himself and friends. We were to rise, in a body, and, turning our
faces a little on one side, veil our eyes in sign of shame. Less
than this, it struck me, could scarcely be done, without manifesting
an improper indifference to monikin rights; and more than this,
might have been identifying ourselves with the particular
individuals of the species who had perpetrated the wrong. But there
was no occasion to exhibit this delicate attention to our learned
hosts. The Doctor, with a refinement of feeling that did credit,
indeed, to monikin civilization, gave an ingenious turn to the whole
affair, which at once removed all cause of shame from our species;
and which, if it left reason for any to blush, by a noble act of
disinterestedness, threw the entire onus of the obligation on
himself. Instead of dwelling on the ruthless manner in which he and
his friends had been seized, the worthy Doctor very tranquilly
informed his listeners, that, finding himself, by hazard, brought in
contact with another species, and that the means of pushing
important discoveries were unexpectedly placed in his power;
conscious it had long been a desideratum with the savans to obtain a
nearer view and more correct notions of human society; believing he
had a discretion in the matter of his wards, and knowing that the
inhabitants of Leaplow, a republic which all disliked, were
seriously talking of sending out an expedition for this very
purpose, he had promptly decided to profit by events, to push
inquiry to the extent of his abilities, and to hazard all in the
cause of learning and truth, by at once engaging the vessel of the
sealers, and sailing, without dread of consequences, forthwith into
the very bosom of the world of man!
I have listened with awe to the thunder of the tropics--I have held
my breath as the artillery of a fleet vomited forth its fire, and
rent the air with sudden concussions--I have heard the roar of the
tumbling river of the Canadas, and I have stood aghast at the
crashing of a forest in a tornado;--but never before did I feel so
life-stirring, so thrilling an emotion of surprise, alarm, and
sympathy, as that which arose within me, at the burst of
commendation and delight with which this announcement of self-
devotion and enterprise was received by the audience. Tails waved,
pattes met each other in ecstasy, voice whistled to voice, and there
was one common cry of exultation, of rapture and of glorification,
at this proof, not of monikin, for that would have been frittering
away the triumph, but at this proof of Leaphigh courage.
During the clamor, I took an opportunity to express my satisfaction
at the handsome manner in which our friend the Doctor had passed
over an acknowledged human delinquency, and the ingenuity with which
he had turned the whole of the unhappy transaction to the glory of
Leaphigh. Noah answered that the philosopher had certainly shown a
knowledge of human natur', and he presumed of monikin natur', in the
matter; no one would now dispute his statement, since, as he knew by
experience, no one was so likely to be set down as a liar, as he who
endeavored to unsettle the good opinion that either a community or
an individual entertained of himself. This was the way at
Stunin'tun, and he believed this was pretty much the way at New
York, or he might say with the whole 'arth from pole to pole. As for
himself, however, he owned he should like to have a few minutes'
private conversation with the sealer in question, to hear his
account of the matter; he didn't know any owner in his part of the
world, who would bear a captain out, should be abandon a v'yage in
this way, on no better security than the promises of a monkey, and
of a monkey, too, who must, of necessity, be an utter stranger to
him.
When the tumult of applause had a little abated, Dr. Reasono
proceeded with his narrative. He touched lightly on the
accommodations of the schooner, which he gave us reason to think
were altogether of a quality beneath the condition of her
passengers; and he added that, falling in with a larger and fairer
vessel, which was making a passage between Bombay and Great Britain,
he profited by the occasion, to exchange ships. This vessel touched
at the island of St. Helena, where, according to the Doctor's
account of the matter, he found means to pass the greater part of a
week on shore.
Of the island of St. Helena he gave a long, scientific, and
certainly an interesting account. It was reported to be volcanic, by
the human savans, he said, but a minute examination and a comparison
of the geological formation, etc., had quite satisfied him that
their own ancient account, which was contained in the mineralogical
works of Leaphigh, was the true one; or, in other words, that this
rock was a fragment of the polar world that had been blown away at
the great eruption, and which had become separated from the rest of
the mass at this spot, where it had fallen and become a fixture of
the ocean. Here the Doctor produced certain specimens of rock, which
he submitted to the learned present, inviting their attention to its
character, and asking, with great mineralogical confidence, if it
did not intimately resemble a well-known stratum of a mountain,
within two leagues of the very spot they were in? This triumphant
proof of the truth of his proposition was admirably received; and
the philosopher was in particular rewarded by the smiles of all the
females present; for ladies usually are well pleased with any
demonstration that saves them the trouble of comparison and
reflection.
Before quitting this branch of his subject, the Doctor observed
that, interesting as were these proofs of the accuracy of their
histories, and of the great revolutions of inanimate nature, there
was another topic connected with St. Helena, which, he felt certain,
would excite a lively emotion in the breasts of all who heard him.
At the period of his visit, the island had been selected as a prison
for a great conqueror and disturber of his fellow-creatures; and
public attention was much drawn to the spot by this circumstance,
few men coming there who did not permit all their thoughts to be
absorbed by the past acts and the present fortunes of the individual
in question. As for himself, there was, of course, no great
attraction in any events connected with mere human greatness, the
little struggles and convulsions of the species containing no
particular interest for a devotee of the monikin philosophy; but the
manner in which all eyes were drawn in one direction, afforded him a
liberty of action that he had eagerly improved, in a way that, he
humbly trusted, would not be thought altogether unworthy of their
approbation. While searching for minerals among the cliffs, his
attention had been drawn to certain animals that are called monkeys,
in the language of those regions; which, from very obvious
affinities of a physical nature, there was some reason to believe
might have had a common origin with the monikin species. The academy
would at once see how desirable it was to learn all the interesting
particulars of the habits, language, customs, marriages, funerals,
religious opinions, traditions, state of learning, and general moral
condition of this interesting people, with a view to ascertain
whether they were merely one of those abortions, to which, it is
known, nature is in the practice of giving birth, in the outward
appearance of their own species, or whether, as several of their
best writers had plausibly maintained, they were indeed a portion of
those whom they had been in the habit of designating as the "lost
monikins." He had succeeded in getting access to a family of these
beings, and in passing an entire day in their society. The result of
his investigations was, that they were truly of the monikin family,
retaining much of the ingenuity and many of the spiritual notions of
their origin, but with their intellects sadly blunted, and perhaps
their improvable qualities annihilated, by the concussion of the
elements that had scattered them abroad upon the face of the earth,
houseless, hopeless, regionless wanderers. The vicissitudes of
climate, and a great alteration of habits, had certainly wrought
some physical changes; but there still remained sufficient
scientific identity to prove they were monikins. They even retained,
in their traditions, some glimmerings of the awful catastrophe by
which they were separated from the rest of their fellow-creatures;
but these necessarily were vague and profitless. Having touched on
several other points connected with these very extraordinary facts,
the Doctor concluded by saying that he saw but one way in which this
discovery could be turned to any practical advantage, beyond the
confirmation it afforded of the truth of their own annals. He
suggested the expediency of fitting out expeditions to go among
these islands and seize upon a number of families, which, being
transported into Leaphigh, might found a race of useful menials,
who, while they would prove much less troublesome than those who
possessed all the knowledge of monikins, would probably be found
more intelligent and useful than any domestic animal which they at
present owned. This happy application of the subject met with
decided commendation. I observed that most of the elderly females
put their heads together on the spot, and appeared to be
congratulating each other on the prospect of being speedily relieved
from their household cares.
Dr. Reasono next spoke of his departure from St. Helena, and of his
finally landing in Portugal. Here, agreeably to his account, he
engaged certain Savoyards to act as his couriers and guides during a
tour he intended to make through Portugal, Spain, Switzerland,
France, etc., etc., etc. I listened with admiration. Never before
had I so lively a perception of the vast difference that is effected
in our views of matters and things, by the agency of an active
philosophy, as was now furnished by the narrative of the speaker.
Instead of complaining of the treatment he had received, and of the
degradations to which he and his companions had been subjected, he
spoke of it all as so much prudent submission, on his part, to the
customs of the countries in which he happened to find himself, and
as the means of ascertaining a thousand important facts, both moral
and physical, which he proposed to submit to the academy in a
separate memoir another day. At present, he was admonished by the
clock to conclude, and he would therefore hasten his narrative as
much as possible.
The Doctor, with great ingenuousness, confessed that he could gladly
have passed a year or two longer in those distant and highly
interesting portions of the earth; but he could not forget that he
had a duty to perform to the friends of two noble families. The
Journey of Trial had been completed under the most favorable
auspices, and the ladies naturally became anxious to return home.
They had accordingly passed into Great Britain, a country remarkable
for maritime enterprise, where he immediately commenced the
necessary preparations for their sailing. A ship had been procured
under the promise of allowing it to be freighted, free of custom-
house charges, with the products of Leaphigh. A thousand
applications had been made to him for permission to be of his party,
the natives naturally enough wishing to see a civilized country; but
prudence had admonished him to accept of those only who were the
most likely to make themselves useful. The king of Great Britain, no
mean prince in human estimation, had committed his only son and
heir-apparent to his care, with a view to his improvement by
travelling; and the lord high admiral himself had asked permission
to take command of an expedition that was of so much importance to
knowledge in general, and to his own profession in particular.
Here Dr. Reasono ascended our tribune and presented Bob to the
academy as the Prince-Royal of Great Britain, and Captain Poke as
her lord high admiral! He pointed out certain peculiarities about
the former, the smut in particular, which had become pretty
effectually incorporated with the skin, as so many signs of royal
birth; and ordering the youngster to uncase, he drew forth the
union-jack that the lad carefully kept about his nether part as a
fender, and exhibited it as his armorial bearings--a modification of
its uses that would not have been very far out of the way, had
another limb been substituted for the agent. As for Captain Poke, he
requested the academicians to study his nautical air in general, as
furnishing sufficient proof of his pursuits, and of the ordinary
appearance of human sea-men.
Turning to me, I was then introduced to all present as the
travelling governor and personal attendant of Bob, and as a very
respectable person in my way. He added, that he believed, also, I
had some pretension to be the discoverer of something that was
called the social-stake system; which, he dared to say, was a very
creditable discovery for one of my opportunities.
By this prompt substitution of employments, I found I had
effectually changed places with the cabin-boy; who, instead of
waiting on me, was, in future, to receive that trifling attention at
my hands. The mates were presented as two rear-admirals at nurse,
and the crew was said to be composed of so many post-captains in the
navy of Great Britain. To conclude, the audience was given to
understand that we were all brought to Leaphigh, like the minerals
from St. Helena, as so many specimens of the human species!
I shall not deny that Dr. Reasono had taken a very different view of
himself and his acts, as well as of me and my acts, from those I had
all along entertained myself; and yet, on reflection, it is so
common to consider ourselves in lights very different from those in
which we are viewed by others that I could not, on the whole,
complain as much of his representations as I had at first thought it
might become me to do. At all events, I was completely spared the
necessity of blushing for my generosity and disinterestedness, and
in other respects was saved the pain of viewing any part of my own
conduct under a consciousness of its attracting attention by its
singularity on the score of merit. I must say, nevertheless, that I
was both surprised and a little indignant; but the sudden and
unexpected turn that had been given to the whole affair, threw me so
completely off my centre, that for the life of me, I could not say a
word in my own behalf. To make the matter worse, that monkey
Chatterino nodded to me kindly, as if he would show the spectators
that, on the whole, he thought me a very good sort of fellow!
After the lecture was over, the audience approached to examine us,
taking a great many amiable liberties with our persons, and
otherwise showing that we were deemed curiosities worthy of their
study. The king's cousin, too, was not neglectful of us, but he had
it announced to the assembly that we were entirely welcome to
Leaphigh; and that, out of respect to Dr. Reasono, we were all
promoted to the dignity of "honorary monikins," for the entire
period of our stay in the country. He also caused it to be
proclaimed that, if the boys annoyed us in the streets, they should
have their tails curled with birch curling-irons. As for the Doctor
himself, it was proclaimed that, in addition to his former title of
F. U. D. G. E., he was now perferred* to be even M. O. R. E., and
that he was also raised to the dignity of an H. O. A. X., the very
highest honor to which any savant of Leaphigh could attain.
[*sic]
At length curiosity was appeased, and we we're permitted to descend
from the tribune; the company ceasing to attend to us, in order to
pay attention to each other. As I had time now to recollect myself,
I did not lose a moment in taking the two mates aside, to present a
proposition that we should go, in a body, before a notary, and enter
a protest against the unaccountable errors into which Dr. Reasono
had permitted himself to fall, whereby the truth was violated, the
rights of persons invaded, humanity dishonored, and the Leaphigh
philosophy misled. I cannot say that my arguments were well
received; and I was compelled to quit the two rear-admirals, and to
go in quest of the crew, with the conviction that the former had
been purchased. An appeal to the reckless, frank, loyal natures of
the common seamen, I thought, would not fail to meet with better
success. Here, too, I was fated to encounter disappointment. The men
swore a few hearty oaths, and affirmed that Leaphigh was a good
country. They expected pay and rations, as a matter of course, in
proportion to their new rank; and having tasted the sweets of
command, they were not yet prepared to quarrel with their good
fortune, and to lay aside the silver tankard for the tar-pot.
Quitting the rascals, whose heads really appeared to be turned by
their unexpected elevation, I determined to hunt up Bob, and by dint
of Mr. Poke's ordinary application, compel him, at least, in despite
of the union-jack, to return to a sense of his duty, and to reassume
his old post as the servitor of my wants. I found the little
blackguard in the midst of a bevy of monikinas of all ages, who were
lavishing their attentions on his worthless person, and otherwise
doing all they could to eradicate everything like humility, or any
good quality that might happen to remain in him. He certainly gave
me a fair opportunity to commence the attack, for he wore the union-
jack over his shoulder, in the manner of a royal mantle, while the
females of inferior rank pressed about him to kiss its hem! The air
with which he received this adulation, fairly imposed on even me;
and fearful that the monikinas might mob me, should I attempt to
undeceive them--for monikinas, let them be of what species they may,
always hug a delusion--I abandoned my hostile intentions for the
moment, and hurried after Mr. Poke, little doubting my ability of
bringing one of his natural rectitude of mind to a right way of
thinking.
The captain heard my remonstrances with a decent respect. He even
seemed to enter into my feelings with a proper degree of sympathy.
He very frankly admitted that I had not been well treated by Dr.
Reasono, and he appeared to think that a private conversation with
that individual might yet possibly have the effect of bringing him
to a more reasonable representation of facts. But, as to any sudden
and violent appeal to public opinion for justice, or an ill-advised
recourse to a notary, he strenuously objected to both. The purport
of his remarks was somewhat as follows:--
He was not acquainted with the Leaphigh law of protests, and, in
consequence, we might spend our money in paying fees, without
reaping any advantage; the Doctor, moreover, was a philosopher, an
F. U. D. G. E., and an H. O. A. X., and these were fearful odds to
contend against in any country, and more especially in a foreign
country; he had an innate dislike for lawsuits; the loss of my
station was certainly a grievance, but still it might be borne; as
for himself, he never asked for the office of lord high admiral of
Great Britain, but as it had been thrust upon him, why, he would do
his best to sustain the character; he knew his friends at Stunin'tun
would be glad to hear of his promotion, for, though in his country
there were no lords, nor even any admirals, his countrymen were
always exceedingly rejoiced whenever any of their fellow-citizens
were preferred to those stations by anybody but themselves, seeming
to think an honor conferred on one, was an honor conferred on the
whole nation; he liked to confer honor on his own nation, for no
people on 'arth tuck up a notion of this sort and divided it among
themselves in a way to give each a share, sooner than the people of
the States, though they were very cautious about leaving any portion
of the credit in first hands, and therefore he was disposed to keep
as much as he could while it was in his power; he believed he was a
better seaman than most of the lord high admirals who had gone
before him, and he had no fears on that score; he wondered whether
his promotion made Miss Poke lady high admiral; as I seemed greatly
put out about my own rank, he would give me the acting appointment
of a chaplain (he didn't think I was qualified to be a sea-officer),
and do doubt I had interest enough at home to get it confirmed; a
great statesman in his country had said "that few die and none
resigned," and he didn't like to be the first to set new fashions;
for his part, he rather looked upon Dr. Reasono as his friend, and
it was unpleasant to quarrel with one's friends; he was willing to
do anything in reason, but resign, and if I could persuade the
Doctor to say he had fallen into a mistake in my particular case,
and that I had been sent to Leaphigh as a lord high ambassador, lord
high priest, or lord high anything else, except lord high admiral,
why, he was ready to swear to it--though he now gave notice, that in
the event of such an arrangement, he should claim to rank me in
virtue of the date of his own commission; if he gave up his
appointment a minute sooner than was absolutely necessary, he should
lose his own self-respect, and never dare look Miss Poke in the face
again--on the whole, he should do no such thing; and, finally, he
wished me a good morning, as he was about to make a call on the lord
high admiral of Leaphigh.