A FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLE, A FUNDAMENTAL LAW, AND A FUNDAMENTAL ERROR.
The people of Leaplow are remarkable for the deliberation of their
acts, the moderation of their views, and the accumulation of their
wisdom. As a matter of course such a people is never in an indecent
haste. Although I have now been legally naturalized, and regularly
elected to the great council fully twenty-four hours, three entire
days were allowed for the study of the institutions, and to become
acquainted with the genius of a nation, who, according to their own
account of the matter, have no parallel in heaven or earth, or in
the waters under the earth, before I was called upon to exercise my
novel and important functions. I profited by the delay and shall
seize a favorable moment to make the reader acquainted with some of
my acquisitions on this interesting topic.
The institutions of Leaplow are divided into two great moral
categories, viz.: the LEGAL and the SUBSTITUTIVE. The former
embraces the provisions of the great ELEMENTARY, and the latter all
the provisions of the great ALIMENTARY principle. The first,
accordingly, is limited by the constitution, or the Great National
Allegory, while the last is limited by nothing but practice; one
contains the proposition, and the other its deductions; this is all
hypothesis, that, all corollary. The two great political landmarks,
the two public opinions, the bob-upon-bobs, the rotatory action, and
the great and little wheels, are merely inferential, and I shall,
therefore, say nothing about them in my present treatise, which has
a strict relation only to the fundamental law of the land, or to the
Great and Sacred National Allegory.
It has been already stated that Leaplow was originally a scion of
Leaphigh. The political separation took place in the last
generation, when the Leaplowers publicly renounced Leaphigh and all
it contained, just as your catechumen is made to renounce the devil
and all his works. This renunciation, which is also sometimes called
the DENUNCIATION, was much more to the liking of Leaplow than to
that of Leaphigh; and a long and sanguinary war was the consequence.
The Leaplowers, after a smart struggle, however, prevailed in their
firm determination to have no more to do with Leaphigh. The sequel
will show how far they were right.
Even preceding the struggle, so active was the sentiment of
patriotism and independence, that the citizens of Leaplow, though
ill-provided with the productions of their own industry, proudly
resorted to the self-denial of refusing to import even a pin from
the mother country, actually preferring nakedness to submission.
They even solemnly voted that their venerable progenitor, instead of
being, as she clearly ought to have been, a fond, protecting, and
indulgent parent, was, in truth, no other than a rapacious,
vindictive and tyrannical step-mother. This was the opinion, it will
be remembered, when the two communities were legally united, had but
one head, wore clothes, and necessarily pursued a multitude of their
interests in common.
By the lucky termination of the war, all this was radically changed.
Leaplow pointed her thumb at Leaphigh, and declared her intention
henceforth to manage her own affairs in her own way. In order to do
this the more effectually, and, at the same time, to throw dirt into
the countenance of her late step-mother, she determined that her own
polity should run so near a parallel, and yet should be so obviously
an improvement on that of Leaphigh, as to demonstrate the
imperfections of the latter to the most superficial observer. That
this patriotic resolution was faithfully carried out in practice, I
am now about to demonstrate.
In Leaphigh, the old human principle had long prevailed, that
political authority came from God; though why such a theory should
ever have prevailed anywhere, as Mr. Downright once expressed it, I
cannot see, the devil very evidently having a greater agency in its
exercise than any other influence, or intelligence, whatever.
However, the jus divinum was the regulator of the Leaphigh social
compact, until the nobility managed to get the better of the jus,
when the divinum was left to shift for itself. It was at this epocha
the present constitution found its birth. Any one may have observed
that one stick placed on end will fall, as a matter of course,
unless rooted in the earth. Two sticks fare no better, even with
their tops united; but three sticks form a standard. This simple and
beautiful idea gave rise to the Leaphigh polity. Three moral props
were erected in the midst of the community, at the foot of one of
which was placed the king, to prevent it from slipping; for all the
danger, under such a system, came from that of the base slipping; at
the foot of the second, the nobles; and at the foot of the third,
the people. On the summit of this tripod was raised the machine of
state. This was found to be a capital invention in theory, though
practice, as practice is very apt to do, subjected it to some
essential modifications. The king, having his stick all his own way,
gave a great deal of trouble to the two other sets of stick-holders;
and, unwilling to disturb the theory, for that was deemed to be
irrevocably settled and sacred, the nobility, who, for their own
particular convenience, paid the principal workmen at the base of
the people's stick to stand steady, set about the means of keeping
the king's stick, also, in a more uniform and serviceable attitude.
It was on this occasion that, discovering the king never could keep
his end of the great social stick in the place where he had sworn to
keep it, they solemnly declared that he must have forgotten where
the constitutional foot-hole was, and that he had irretrievably lost
his memory--a decision that was the remote cause of the recent
calamity of Captain Poke. The king was no sooner constitutionally
deprived of his memory, than it was an easy matter to strip him of
all his other faculties; after which it was humanely decreed, as
indeed it ought to be in the case of a being so destitute, that he
could do no wrong. By way of following out the idea on a humane and
Christian-like principle, and in order to make one part of the
practice conform to the other, it was shortly after determined that
he should do nothing; his eldest first-cousin of the masculine
gender being legally proclaimed his substitute. In the end, the
crimson curtain was drawn before the throne. As, however, this
cousin might begin to wriggle the stick in his turn, and derange the
balance of the tripod, the other two sets of stick-holders next
decided that, though his majesty had an undeniable constitutional
right to say who SHOULD BE his eldest first-cousin of the masculine
gender, they had an undoubted constitutional right to say who he
SHOULD NOT BE. The result of all this was a compromise; his majesty,
who, like other people, found the sweets of authority more palatable
than the bitter, agreeing to get up on top of the tripod, where he
might appear seated on the machine of state, to receive salutations,
and eat and drink in peace, leaving the others to settle among
themselves who should do the work at the bottom, as well as they
could. In brief, such is the history, and such was the polity of
Leaphigh, when I had the honor of visiting that country.
The Leaplowers were resolute to prove that all this was radically
wrong. They determined, in the first place, that there should be but
one great social beam; and, in order that it should stand perfectly
steady, they made it the duty of every citizen to prop its base.
They liked the idea of a tripod well enough, but, instead of setting
one up in the Leaphigh fashion, they just reversed its form, and
stuck it on top of their beam, legs uppermost, placing a separate
agent on each leg, to work their machine of state; taking care,
also, to send a new one aloft periodically. They reasoned thus: If
one of the Leaphigh beams slip (and they will be very apt to slip in
wet weather, with the king, nobles and people wriggling and shoving
against each other), down will come the whole machine of state, or,
to say the least, it will get so much awry as never to work as well
as at first; and therefore we will have none of it. If, on the other
hand, one of our agents makes a blunder and falls, why, he will only
break his own neck. He will, moreover, fall in the midst of us, and,
should he escape with life, we can either catch him and throw him
back again, or we can send a better hand up in his place, to serve
out the rest of his time. They also maintain that one beam,
supported by all the citizens, is much less likely to slip than
three beams, supported by three powers of very uncertain, not to say
unequal, forces.
Such, in effect, is the substance of the respective national
allegories of Leaphigh and of Leaplow; I say allegories, for both
governments seem to rely on this ingenious form of exhibiting their
great distinctive national sentiments. It would, in fact, be an
improvement, were all constitutions henceforth to be written in this
manner, since they would necessarily be more explicit, intelligible,
and sacred than they are by the present attempt at literality.
Having explained the governing principles of these two important
states, I now crave the reader's attention, for a moment, while I go
a little into the details of the MODUS OPERANDI, in both cases.
Leaphigh acknowledged a principle, in the outset, that Leaplow
totally disclaimed, viz., that of primogeniture. Being an only child
myself, and having no occasion for research on this interesting
subject, I never knew the basis of this peculiar right, until I came
to read the great Leaphigh commentator, Whiterock, on the governing
rules of the social compact. I there found that the first-born,
MORALLY considered, is thought to have better claims to the honors
of the genealogical tree, on the father's side, than those offspring
whose origin is to be referred to a later period in connubial life.
On this obvious and highly discriminating principle, the crown, the
rights of the nobles, and indeed all other rights, are transferred
from father to son, in the direct male line, according to
primogeniture.
Nothing of this is practised in Leaplow. There, the supposition of
legitimacy is as much in favor of the youngest as of the oldest
born, and the practice is in conformity. As there is no hereditary
chief to poise on one of the legs of the great tripod, the people at
the foot of the beam choose one from among themselves, periodically,
who is called the Great Sachem. The same people choose another set,
few in number, who occupy a common seat, on another leg. These they
term the Riddles. Another set, still more numerous and popular in
aspect, if not in fact, fills a large seat on the third leg. These
last, from their being supposed to be supereminently popular and
disinterested, are familiarly known as the Legion. They are also
pleasantly nicknamed the Bobees, an appellation that took its rise
in the circumstance that most of the members of their body have
submitted to the second dock, and, indeed, have nearly obliterated
every sign of a CAUDA. I had, most luckily, been chosen to sit in
the House of Bobees, a station for which I felt myself well
qualified, in this great essential at least; for all the anointing
and forcing resorted to by Noah and myself, during our voyage out,
and our residence in Leaphigh, had not produced so much as a visible
sprout in either.
The Great Sachem, the Riddles, and the Legion, had conjoint duties
to perform, in certain respects, and separate duties in others. All
three, as they owed their allegorical elevation to, so were they
dependent on, the people at the foot of the great social stick, for
approbation and reward--that is to say for all rewards other than
those which they have it in their power to bestow on themselves.
There was another authority, or agent of the public, that is equally
perched on the social beam, though not quite so dependent as the
three just named, upon the main prop of the people--being also
propped by a mechanical disposition of the tripod itself. These are
termed the Supreme Arbitrators, and their duties are to revise the
acts of the other three agents of the people, and to decide whether
they are or are not in conformity with the recognized principles of
the Sacred Allegory.
I was greatly delighted with my own progress in the study of the
Leaplow institutions. In the first place, I soon discovered that the
principal thing was to reverse the political knowledge I had
acquired in Leaphigh, as one would turn a tub upside-down, when he
wished to draw from its stores at a fresh end, and then I was pretty
sure of being within at least the spirit of the Leaplow law.
Everything seemed simple, for all was dependent on the common prop,
at the base of the great social beam.
Having got a thorough insight myself into the governing principles
of the system under which I had been chosen to serve, I went to look
up my colleague, Captain Poke, in order to ascertain how he
understood the great Leaplow Allegory.
I found the mind of the sealer, according to a beautiful form of
speech already introduced in this narrative, "considerably
exercised," on the several subjects that so naturally presented
themselves to a man in his situation. In the first place, he was in
a towering passion at the impudence of Bob in presuming to offer
himself as a candidate for the great council; and having offered
himself, the rage of the Captain was in no degree abated by the
circumstance of the young rascal's being at the head of the poll. He
most unreservedly swore "that no subordinate of his should ever sit
in the same legislative body with himself; that he was a republican
by birth, and knew the usages of republican governments quite as
well as the best patriot among them; and although he admitted that
all sorts of critters were sent to Congress in his country, no man
ever knew an instance of a cabin-boy's being sent there. They might
elect just as much as they pleased; but coming ashore, and playing
politician were very different things from cleaning his boots, and
making his coffee, and mixing his grog." The captain had just been
waited on by a committee of the Perpendiculars (half the Leaplow
community is on some committee or other), by whom he had been
elected, and they had given notice, that instructions would be sent
in, forthwith, to all their representatives, to perform gyration No.
3, as soon after the meeting of the council as possible. He was no
tumbler, and he had sent for a master of political saltation, who
had just been with him practising. According to Noah's own
statement, his success was anything but flattering. "If they would
give a body room, Sir John," he said, in a complaining accent," I
should think nothing of it--but you are expected to stand shoulder
to shoulder--yard-arm and yard-arm--and throw a flap-jack as handy
as an old woman would toss a johnny-cake! It's unreasonable to think
of wearing ship without room; but give me room, and I'll engage to
get round on the other tack, and to luff into the line again, as
safely as the oldest cruiser among 'em, though not quite so quick.
They do go about spitefully, that's sartain."
Nor were the Great National Allegories without their difficulties.
Noah perfectly understood the images of the two tripods, though he
was disposed to think that neither was properly secured. A mast
would make but bad weather, he maintained, let it be ever so well
rigged and stayed, without being also securely stepped. He saw no
use in trusting the heels of the beams to anybody. Good lashings
were what were wanted, and then the people might go about their
private affairs, and not fear the work would fall. That the king of
Leaphigh had no memory, he could testify from bitter experience; nor
did he believe that he had any conscience; and, chiefly he desired
to know if we, when we got up into our places on the top of the
three inverted beams, among the other Bobees, were to make war on
the Great Sachem and the Riddles, or whether we were to consider the
whole affair as a good thing, in which the wisest course would be to
make fair weather of it?
To all these remarks and questions I answered as well as my own
limited experience would allow; taking care to inform my friend that
he had conceived the whole matter a little too literally, as all
that he had been reading about the great political beams, the
tripods, and the legislative boxes, was merely an allegory.
"And pray, then, Sir John, what may an allegory be?"
"In this case, my good sir, it is a constitution."
"And what is a constitution?"
"Why, it is sometimes as you perceive, an allegory."
"And are we not to be mast-headed, then, according to the book?"
"Figuratively, only."
"But there are actually such critters as the Great Sachem, and
Riddles, and above all, the Bobees!--We are boney fie-diddle-di-dee
elected?"
"Boney fie-diddle-di-dee."
"And may I take the liberty of asking, what it is our duty to do?"
"We are to act practically--according to the literality of the
legal, implied, figurative, allegorical significations of the Great
National Compact under a legitimate construction."
"I fear we shall have to work doubletides, Sir John, to do so much
in so short a time! Do you mean that, in honest truth, there is no
beam?"
"There is, and there is not."
"No fore, main, and mizzen tops, according to what is here written
down?"
"There is not, and there is."
"Sir John, in the name of God, speak out! Is all this about eight
dollars a day, no better than a take in?"
"That, I believe is strictly literal."
As Noah now seemed a little mollified, I seized the opportunity to
tell him he must beware how he attempted to stop Bob from attending
the council. Members were privileged, going and coming; and unless
he was guarded in his course, he might have some unpleasant
collision with the sergeant-at-arms. Besides, it was unbecoming the
dignity of a legislator to be wrangling about trifles, and he, to
whom was confided the great affairs of a state, ought to attach the
utmost importance to a grave exterior, which commonly was of more
account with his constituents than any other quality. Any one could
tell whether he was grave or not, but it was by no means so easy a
matter to tell whether he or his constituents had the greater cause
to appear so. Noah promised to be discreet, and we parted, not to
meet again until we assembled to be sworn in.
Before continuing the narrative, I will just mention that we
disposed of our commercial investments that morning. All the
Leaphigh opinions brought good prices; and I had occasion to see how
well the brigadier understood the market by the eagerness with
which, in particular, the Opinions on the State of Society in
Leaplow were bought up. But, by one of those unexpected windfalls
which raise up so many of the chosen of the earth to their high
places, the cook did better than any of us. It will be remembered,
that he had bartered an article of merchandise that he called slush
against a neglected bale of Distinctive Leaplow Opinions, which had
no success at all in Leaphigh. Coming as they did from abroad, these
articles had taken as novelties in Bivouac, and he sold them all
before night, at enormous advances; the cry being that something new
and extraordinary had found its way into the market.